Dear Sweetheart,

I have refused to think about your death and life for so long because it broke me down that winter night... it broke my heart, I was so lost. I am so, so sorry. I wasn't there for you when you needed me most, I am so sorry. You have no idea how much I hate my cowardliness for not being there while you died. I was so afraid of my emotions, of how I might react, I had never allowed myself to feel that deeply before. You gave me freedom my beautiful girl. The stable didn't like us very much but that was okay... for the first time to me that was okay if someone didn't like me, because I had you. You were the most spirited mare in the whole place, no one could run faster and no one had as much zest for life. To this day I wish I spent more time with you than I did, I let life and all it's complications take me away from you. Please please forgive me for leaving you. I had to go away for a while, I loved you very much... I just couldn't stay. I wasted two years away from you and I was too ashamed to see you because I felt like I had abandoned you. I love you so much and I wish you were still here today so that I could tell you that. You were the most amazing companion I could have ever asked for. I only wish that I could have been that for you. As I touched your still warm body they said you had passed just a few moments before I got there. It was like you were still alive, your body was still warm, I wanted the whole world to disappear because I had lost my shelter and my friend. You were an extension of my soul, that is how I saw you and now I hope you are in peace, I hope you are up there with Jesus and he is stroking your nose and you have fields to run through. You deserve the world my queen. One day I hope you can forgive me for abandoning you. I can only promise you this... I swear that from this day forward I will make it a duty and calling to care with as much of my time and energy as I can for all animals I am blessed to encounter. I am about to adopt a horse named Cheif, I struggled with how you might feel about it but I believe that you would have been okay with it. You would have liked him. He will teach me much and I know that... but he will never take your place. You will always be my little Arabian free spirit, my queen, my teacher my friend. I love you, I love you so much. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

Forever always in my heart. Forever always a part of my soul.

Peace,

Chloe

Dear Hannah,

I never knew how much damage i would have when you left.I knew you wanted to leave,you were in so much pain.And it hurts me to say that for my satisfaction i made you stay with me when really it wasn't about me being happy it was about you.i kept you her trapped in pain just so i was happy when you weren't happy and you were in pain.so i am so sorry.You had a great long life for a dog with arthritis that could barley walk,a heart mum er,brain cancer,and water in you lungs.You ment the world to me,i wish i spent every waking secound with you,i know i didnt now that im older,and no matter what i did or or what i said you always loved me.you were my best friend,probably my favorite (person) in the family.Even if people said that dogs dont go to heaven,i know that god would make a special place in heaven just for you.I miss you so much.

Love,

owner Ali

Dear TrixieLU,

Dearest dearest BabyLU. Thank you for making your way to me. We only had 16 months together, but I could not have asked for a sweeter, funnier, more loving little terrier to guard over me and fill my days with fun. I couldn't believe when the shelter asked me to take you home - after the other dogs, you were kind of like having a cat! SO small, but fierce, oh my lord you were fierce. And SO determined. And so funny. And so so so loving. I loved kissing your little snout and I treasured our special greeting every single morning. I loved stopping at Tim's to buy donuts just for you and I loved pulling other dogs' hair out of your teeth when you thought they'd get too close to me. I slept in bed last night - first time in weeks. I will miss you getting me up for your pee at 5AM and I'll miss how you came to me for comfort time and again, esp these last weeks together, when you were feeling so rough. I'd do anything LU, to take away your discomfort and your fear. Please, please be on the other side and wait for me. It's truly all I want from this life, is to see you, and all my dogs again. Please god, make it so. I love you little one. I just love you so.

Love,

mitch & stella too.

Dear Baby Louie,

When I got back from the vet that night, I only made it up the stairs because I was on the phone with Grandma. It was a distraction, otherwise I think I would have gone anywhere else. The pain of not having you here was overwhelming. In your almost 18 years with me, you provided more love, companionship and comfort than you can possibly know, or than I can possibly express. A few days after you left us, the vet sent a poem about the Rainbow Bridge. Below the poem are your very own paw prints. I touched them and realized it was the last bit of you I had..the last part of your life. You had touched this paper, and the grief consumed me once again. But the truth is Louie, you touched everything. You provided security when I was scared, when I had a panic attack, when I cried over the many changes I've faced. You were my constant, my star. Everyone was devastated that you had to leave us, and I wondered if I did the right thing. I still do. But I know you were suffering. You fought your illness and took your medicine for 7 years, like a champ. Your body seemed to be giving out, and that last day you looked so tired, so defeated. But Louie your soul was and is so strong. I love you with everything that I am and I will never, ever forget you. I was 18 when I first saw you and held you and every single day with you was a blessing from God. I miss you Louie, we all miss you, and I will cherish our memories always. Thank you for everything you gave to us all. Thank you so much my precious friend.

Love,

Mom

Dear nubes,

Originally Written: 03 January 2009

You sleep so deeply... you sleep so often... gentle flowing breath... inhale... exhale... inhale... slow deep breath.

i think you run/dance in your night-time(s) or are you frolicking in the moon light?

i wonder what you dream? what you see as your eyes are blinking in your darkness?

little squeaks, i hope they are happy ones...

are you dancing in the warm waters and sands of your birthplace?

you do love the water... to swim... to splash... to stick your nose deep into the glassy wetness... and blow bubbles...

when i get nervous that your sleepy-time squeaks might not be squeals of joy, i wake you up... and in your hazy 'not-yet awake~ness' you look at me as i tell you i'm here... i tell you i luv you... so, YOU know... i know YOU know... (i know you know, because without failure you give me a gentle kiss EVERY TIME before drifting back to dreamland).

i know that i've been BLESSED with you in my life... my furry companion... you came to me at a time when i really needed unconditional companionship... unconditional luvin'... my mom had just passed on... you came to me and you were just present... you just WERE... you were MY love... these amazing, almost 13 years...

now they tell me your little heart is weak... i ask how could a little heart, so strong, be so weak... it scares me... i feel helpLESS... almost SELF-fish... i don't want you to leave... i do NOT want to consider that possibility... that inevitable reality... life is so fragile... such an unknown... i don't want you to leave me... i'm not ready... i get that, it's not up to me... i get that, it's not ABOUT me... but i don't want you to leave ME.. not yet...

so now i will love you even more (if that is possible)... love you like it was my last breath with you... your last breath with me... i'll go right up to your ear, i'll whisper that i luv you (so you hear me... feel my breath... through your old dog deafness)... so, YOU know... i know YOU know.

you sleep so deeply... i love you so deeply... you're 'just' a dog?...NOT!... you're MY dog... my four legged SOUL-MATE.

yes, when it's your time i'll let you go... so you can dance on the sands of your birthplace... so you can frolic in the (warm) waters of the place(s) we called home ... so you can curl up in front of YOUR fireplace(s)... so you can sit by my moms' feet at the eternal Sunday tea party.

STAY with me just a bit longer sweet girl... i'm not ready for you to leave... not yet.

and then...

you showed me the true meaning of LOVE... you taught me the ultimate freedom in SURRENDER!!... you shared with me the magic of deep beautiful PEACE, blissful inner CALM and bless~ed glorious COMPASSION!

nubes (the Nubian QUEEN: June 15, 1996 - June 30, 2010)

on your last day WE knew... YOU knew... I knew... we (with your bratty baby brother, cHoncHo) had a wonderful day of quiet-activity, after which we went home. we lay in bed curled up as a family, then you were gone... 14 + years of PURE LOVE!

August 2010: six weeks after my little girl took her final journey i saw this note again, for the first time... she did what she promised... she stayed a little longer... i did what i promised... i let her go... good bye sweet, sweet angel girl.. i miss you and love you so much... till our paths cross again... know that you were the BEST EVER!!!

May 1, 2011: I GET IT!!! LOVE! SURRENDER! COMPASSION! PEACE! I just realized that i am NOT SAD that you are gone... NO, rather your LIGHT(ness) exists withIN me! YOU were (a part of) ME! Memories of YOU and the LOVE, support, dedication, loyalty, integrity, pride, honour, truth, joy, playfulness, fun and BEING that YOU were... THAT spirit IS ME! Any 'grief' is out weighed by the BLESSING of having YOU share YOUR journey with ME... GIFTING me with so much... your journey of ease, grace, dignity, warrior spirit... for this i shall be forever grateful and thankful! It was an honour... indeed it was MY pleasure!

PS. cHoncHo's a big, happy, healthy, confident pup b/c of your consistent positive, loving and strong influence. He misses his big sis!

Love,

cHoncHonMe

Dear Max,

A month ago we said goodbye to you and our hearts have been heavy since. We just aren't the same without you dear Max and we never will be. We knew your journey would end but we weren't prepared for the pain. You were the best dog anyone could ever have and you gave us an amazing 13.5 years of love and affection. I remember the time in the park when you stole that guy's steak off his grill and he turned around and yelled but it was the funniest thing ever! We love you for that. You were such a good boy. You protected us. You got through losing your brother and sister Wilbur and Daisy and we hope now you are all resting peacefully together. You were best friends with Marley and loved to chase Butch. You learned to love Henry the best you could and were always very careful with him since his accident. You were a big sweet boy and we loved you for that. We will miss you and love you forever Mushy boy. Sending love and kisses to you sweet angel. Rest in peace.

Love,

Mommy, Daddy, Marley, Butch and Henry

Dear Sorbet,

It has been almost three years since I lost you and I still cannot live without you. I feel so guilty..would you have been here if I had stayed home from work? Was the vet wrong? Did I do something wrong? I feel so angry at the people who kept you on that chain and caused the injury to your spine that would take you from me.

I knew you were gone before I came home. I think I knew the night before that you were leaving. When the vet said you might be paralyzed forever, I was ok with it. I prepared to buy a cart, and to care for you. It was selfish of me. You could not have lived, unable to chase your ball or go swimming. You simply could not live that way, and your heart knew it. But, part of my heart died with you, and it will not heal.

You were amazing! I cannot believe that they called you a spazz and hyper. You were just determined and wanted a family. A chained life was not what you deserved. I get so angry, that your back was broken from abuse, and you had such pain sometimes. But, the good times were so great. I thought your labbie sister was going to follow you, she missed you so much.

I do rescue now, and I wonder how many dogs I have to save to make up for not being able to save you. Four years was not enough time, and you deserved a much longer life. But, like a star- you simply burned up. And, I cannot wait to be with you again

Love,

Mama

Dear Deejay,

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and miss you. It has been 2 months since we lost you, and the pain of that day is something that I carry always. I know that it was quick, and I am so glad that you didn't have to suffer for a long time. I am so sorry that we didn't see your illness until it was so late, you were so strong, and you hid your pain so well. Everything is different now that you are gone, you have no idea how much you changed my whole life. I love you so much for your unwavering loyalty and constant companionship, and I am so glad that for the short time that you were with me that we did everything we could together. I still look for you every day when I come home, and I miss the sound of your toenails on the floor, dancing around the front door whenever you heard me come to the door after a long day at work. You have left such a hole in my life and my soul, and I don't know how it will ever go away. All I can say is that I love you Deej, and that I always will. Having you here or gone, nothing can ever change that. Part of my soul went with you that day. I love you.

Love,

Erica

Dear Mora,

We went together with Pudge a few times into the woods to look for Keiko, but then I decided to take you alone with me because I was afraid of losing you, because you were so fast. I put a harness and leash on you, but you got out of it. Luckily, you came back. I called you and called you and suddenly, there you were: sitting there on a log right in front of me, looking at me! I put the leash on you again. I should have taken you home then, but we looked some more and then you ran off into the woods, and I couldn't see you anywhere. I called you and called you. This time, I couldn't find you. I finally gave up. But I should have just stayed there and waited for you to come back to me, because I know you would have. And maybe you would have come back with Keiko by your side, who knows?

I'm sorry Mora. You were a brave girl. You were my Amazonian lady ferret. Even if you were trembling in fear, you'd always go scout things out first for your sister, Pancha, and your adopted sister, Keiko, and your guy buddy, Pudge. You were very protective of them. You repeatedly attacked any other ferret whom you felt was a threat. Most people wouldn't appreciate you for that, but I understood your courage and dedication to your family.

You and Pancha had been with Pudge since kit-hood, I imagine. You all came to me with behavior problems, so I believe you were all abused in some way. Pudge bit me so hard when I first took you all in that I ended up in the ER, getting XRays, antibiotics, and a tetanus shot. I had to quarantine Pudge for 10 days after that, by command of Animal Services, and many people told me to have him put down. They would've said the same about you because you attacked Fidget, scratching her cornea, almost blinding her. I forgave you (although I didn't let you near Fidget again) and loved you.

You lost Pancha, your sister, who contracted lymphoma. Then you lost Keiko. Every day you wanted to go looking for her. After losing them both, you wanted to find them, especially Keiko, I think, because you must have known Pancha was ill and Keiko wasn't. I'm sorry I lost Keiko, Mora. I'm sorry I lost you, too. Pudge missed you guys a lot. He got very sad after Pancha died, and you and Keiko got lost. He lived two years after you and Keiko left. He became the most gentle guy and he and I were very close. I felt he didn't want to let go because he knew I was sad about losing you guys and he was staying for me, but his life had become only pain, humiliation, and struggle -- as he could barely hold himself up to take walks anymore with me and he would soil himself and his bedding. So I finally had him put down. He went very quickly and gently. (Just like Fidget did when she went so long after her mate, Bob.)

I hope you are all together now wherever you are. I love you and miss you all. And Mora, you will always be the most brave Amazonian ferret to me. Take care of Keiko and Pancha and Pudge, please.

Love,

Mom

Dear Keiko,

I miss you every single day, even though it's been two years this March. I still feel responsible for your escape and for my failure to ensure your return or to find you. You were a beautiful creature to me, the sweetest ferret, kind, gentle, loving and playful. I'm so sorry I didn't do enough (and quick enough) to get you back safely.

I know you are now in the other world beyond this one, whatever that may be. I don't believe in God or Heaven, but I do believe that we all return to spirit or light. I hope you can hear me. I know you were so frightened that night after you got out and the thunder and lightning were so loud and scary and the rain so torrential. I know you were terrified and that's what make me feel most grief. Not knowing what happened to you is also very hard. Somebody spotted you a few weeks after you escaped and I had distributed to neighbors more than 40 "safe boxes" with ferret food and bedding inside. And then a month later, someone thought they saw you crossing a road into the woods. If so, if it was you, you found a good place to hunt and survive. There are streams in there, and lots of burrows (many unoccupied), and lots of food sources. I hope you did not just starve to death out there. Even imagining that an owl or hawk or fox got you and killed is better than that.

I hope you had a good remainder of your life. I feel terrible that you thought I didn't want you back after you got out. It was an accident, but I think you felt I didn't let you back in. I didn't know you were gone right away and I didn't open the fence or make a way for you to get back, because I was afraid the other animals were get out. My mind didn't work well at that time and I still don't know why. Other things were going on. I had relied so much on my 19 year old daughter. She was so intuitive and wise, and I asked her what she thought I should do and she wouldn't answer me. I don't know why and even now, she won't tell me -- for she has grown away from me and is no longer talking to me -- again I don't know why.

But without her wise words, my mind shut down, which is so weird because every other time any ferret or cat was missing, I knew just what to do, and did it. So I feel like I betrayed you, Keiko. I gave you such a great life here and then I just let you go. It's not fair to you. It wasn't fair. I'm so sorry. I hope you will forgive me, Keiko. I love you and miss you terribly.

P.S. I hope you and Mora found each other (and Pancha, too) somehow, somewhere. I will write Mora separately, but say hello to her if you see her.

Love,

Mom