Dear Deejay,
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and miss you. It has been 2 months since we lost you, and the pain of that day is something that I carry always. I know that it was quick, and I am so glad that you didn't have to suffer for a long time. I am so sorry that we didn't see your illness until it was so late, you were so strong, and you hid your pain so well. Everything is different now that you are gone, you have no idea how much you changed my whole life. I love you so much for your unwavering loyalty and constant companionship, and I am so glad that for the short time that you were with me that we did everything we could together. I still look for you every day when I come home, and I miss the sound of your toenails on the floor, dancing around the front door whenever you heard me come to the door after a long day at work. You have left such a hole in my life and my soul, and I don't know how it will ever go away. All I can say is that I love you Deej, and that I always will. Having you here or gone, nothing can ever change that. Part of my soul went with you that day. I love you.
Love,
Erica
Dear Mora,
We went together with Pudge a few times into the woods to look for Keiko, but then I decided to take you alone with me because I was afraid of losing you, because you were so fast. I put a harness and leash on you, but you got out of it. Luckily, you came back. I called you and called you and suddenly, there you were: sitting there on a log right in front of me, looking at me! I put the leash on you again. I should have taken you home then, but we looked some more and then you ran off into the woods, and I couldn't see you anywhere. I called you and called you. This time, I couldn't find you. I finally gave up. But I should have just stayed there and waited for you to come back to me, because I know you would have. And maybe you would have come back with Keiko by your side, who knows?
I'm sorry Mora. You were a brave girl. You were my Amazonian lady ferret. Even if you were trembling in fear, you'd always go scout things out first for your sister, Pancha, and your adopted sister, Keiko, and your guy buddy, Pudge. You were very protective of them. You repeatedly attacked any other ferret whom you felt was a threat. Most people wouldn't appreciate you for that, but I understood your courage and dedication to your family.
You and Pancha had been with Pudge since kit-hood, I imagine. You all came to me with behavior problems, so I believe you were all abused in some way. Pudge bit me so hard when I first took you all in that I ended up in the ER, getting XRays, antibiotics, and a tetanus shot. I had to quarantine Pudge for 10 days after that, by command of Animal Services, and many people told me to have him put down. They would've said the same about you because you attacked Fidget, scratching her cornea, almost blinding her. I forgave you (although I didn't let you near Fidget again) and loved you.
You lost Pancha, your sister, who contracted lymphoma. Then you lost Keiko. Every day you wanted to go looking for her. After losing them both, you wanted to find them, especially Keiko, I think, because you must have known Pancha was ill and Keiko wasn't. I'm sorry I lost Keiko, Mora. I'm sorry I lost you, too. Pudge missed you guys a lot. He got very sad after Pancha died, and you and Keiko got lost. He lived two years after you and Keiko left. He became the most gentle guy and he and I were very close. I felt he didn't want to let go because he knew I was sad about losing you guys and he was staying for me, but his life had become only pain, humiliation, and struggle -- as he could barely hold himself up to take walks anymore with me and he would soil himself and his bedding. So I finally had him put down. He went very quickly and gently. (Just like Fidget did when she went so long after her mate, Bob.)
I hope you are all together now wherever you are. I love you and miss you all. And Mora, you will always be the most brave Amazonian ferret to me. Take care of Keiko and Pancha and Pudge, please.
Love,
Mom
Dear Keiko,
I miss you every single day, even though it's been two years this March. I still feel responsible for your escape and for my failure to ensure your return or to find you. You were a beautiful creature to me, the sweetest ferret, kind, gentle, loving and playful. I'm so sorry I didn't do enough (and quick enough) to get you back safely.
I know you are now in the other world beyond this one, whatever that may be. I don't believe in God or Heaven, but I do believe that we all return to spirit or light. I hope you can hear me. I know you were so frightened that night after you got out and the thunder and lightning were so loud and scary and the rain so torrential. I know you were terrified and that's what make me feel most grief. Not knowing what happened to you is also very hard. Somebody spotted you a few weeks after you escaped and I had distributed to neighbors more than 40 "safe boxes" with ferret food and bedding inside. And then a month later, someone thought they saw you crossing a road into the woods. If so, if it was you, you found a good place to hunt and survive. There are streams in there, and lots of burrows (many unoccupied), and lots of food sources. I hope you did not just starve to death out there. Even imagining that an owl or hawk or fox got you and killed is better than that.
I hope you had a good remainder of your life. I feel terrible that you thought I didn't want you back after you got out. It was an accident, but I think you felt I didn't let you back in. I didn't know you were gone right away and I didn't open the fence or make a way for you to get back, because I was afraid the other animals were get out. My mind didn't work well at that time and I still don't know why. Other things were going on. I had relied so much on my 19 year old daughter. She was so intuitive and wise, and I asked her what she thought I should do and she wouldn't answer me. I don't know why and even now, she won't tell me -- for she has grown away from me and is no longer talking to me -- again I don't know why.
But without her wise words, my mind shut down, which is so weird because every other time any ferret or cat was missing, I knew just what to do, and did it. So I feel like I betrayed you, Keiko. I gave you such a great life here and then I just let you go. It's not fair to you. It wasn't fair. I'm so sorry. I hope you will forgive me, Keiko. I love you and miss you terribly.
P.S. I hope you and Mora found each other (and Pancha, too) somehow, somewhere. I will write Mora separately, but say hello to her if you see her.
Love,
Mom
Dear Cat Two,
I miss you everyday. I feel like you were my first real pet and responsibility and I wish your life was more fully lived. When you seized, it was probably the most frightening moment of my life thus far, because I was completely out of control. I feel like I let you down, not noticing the signs before hand and getting it treated if I could, but our time together changed my life. You had such a personality and I don't think I can ever find another one like you. The unconditional love you gave and your pure attitude was fascinating and always entertaining. I will always love you.
Missing You,
Amber
Dear Skye,
Hi pretty girl, hows it going? the last two weeks have been hard but Im doing okay. I have finally forgiven myself for letting you go. I knew that you forgave me right away but it took me a while to forgive myself. I love you sis, you are not with me anymore but will always be in my heart. You will always be my golden dog. I love you, Goodbye
Peace,
E.S.
Dear Alaska Sky,
It astounds me how many lives you touched when you were by my side. The folks at hospital send their love. Mom and Sandy wish that you were back with me again. The last few days have been long. They worry about me, but I assure them that you are with me still. You will be forever.
Remember this picture? It had poured the last three days, and you just wanted to get outside again. I let you out and ran some errands for just a little bit. When I got back, I looked outside and saw you romping in the mud. Oh gosh, you were covered from nose to tail tip. I couldn't be mad, because you looked so happy. You know me, always having a camera handy, I had to snap a couple of pictures. The first one I took, you looked like you were about to get in trouble. Yet, as the camera clicked you realized that you were on stage. You loved the attention of the camera, and I loved photographing you.
I brought a black and white shot into the group, and they fell in love instantly. You have that ability. The ability to captivate and hold hearts. Your love for kisses and everyone's lack of objection from taking them was inspiring. How did you do that so easily, love? I mean these were people who frowned on puppy kisses, and yet they would let you cover them. Like I said, you just have that ability.
I know as time passes the pain will get a little easier to deal with. It will not happen over night. I believe that I will carry this pain for a long time. On the other hand, I can feel your spirit with me still.I know you are next to me every moment and in my lap licking the tears from my face. I love you, my beautiful Alaska Sky. Let's go play in the mud again.
Also, Chance says he misses and loves you. He is lonely without his playmate.
Love,
Your Father and Friend, Dustin
Dear Alaska Sky,
The light escaped your eyes Saturday. The choice I made was not easy, and will pain me forever on. I know it was for the best. You were in tremendous pain, and the surgery would have continued the agony with the chance of survival minimal. I had never been through that process before, and I hope to never do it again. To see the life flee from your physical form was difficult, but I know you are not in pain anymore. The fact that your heart would not stop beating let me know that your love was fighting to stay with me. I appreciate that my love. You will always be with me.
Do you remember the car ride home from your birth mom’s house? I won’t forget it. You sat calmly in the passenger seat with your head toward me. The brindle spot on your right eye gave you the expression of curiosity. The excitement of travel was gleaming in your eyes, but it pained you to leave your mother. I fully understand that feeling. Yet, you, Chance and I had each other, and I believe that helped the transition.
Your ability to learn quickly was amazing, and I was not surprise to find that your quick learning would lead to a strong bond between us. You were always there when I need you. You were there when I needed someone to love on, or someone to whisper a secret to. When I would wake up in the night I knew I could roll over and hold you. That helped me fall back to sleep, forgetting the nightmare that just happened.
The summer was great. Between the walks in the subdivision and our swims in Stones River, we shared a lot of moments. I felt better after our excursions. Chance is a great dog, but he and I can’t share the experiences that you and I did. That strengthened our bond even more. Those swims were great. The fact that you would follow me out into the deep waters, and just hang on me, made me feel as strong as a god. That idea that you needed me was my strength. No matter where I went you would always follow.
When the vet called me Saturday I know that our time had come to an end. Sandy was there for support, and that meant so much to me. Unfortunately, the task was still going to happen. As we sat on the floor in that small room, I could feel your love. That love that told me to be strong, but I couldn’t stop crying. The sedative had taking affect and you lay peacefully next to me. When the vet came to give the final shot, I whispered something into your ear. I hope you will remember what I said. That was our last secret. When the lady injected the fatal shot in your IV, I had my hand on your neck and could feel every breath and heartbeat you took. Your breath gave out first, but your heart kept beating. I know that was your sign to me that your love for me would never die. The lady had to administer one more lethal injection, and your heart stopped. You had left your body, but had not left my heart.
I have had many companions in my life. Tonto, Rebel and Shasta to name a few, but losing you has caused me the most pain. I guess because I feel responsible for your death mostly, but I know you forgave me. That idea means a lot to me, baby.
I will continue to hold you in my heart for the rest of my life. Know that your love was not lost on this man. I am better for knowing your love. I don’t know if there is
anything past death, but if there is please wait for me. I want to go for another swim with you.
Missing You,
Your Father and Friend, Dustin
Dear Bruiser,
It's been almost 12 years since I had to let you go, but I wanted to let you know that no matter how many years pass, you were and will always be one of the best friends I ever had. I miss your eyes and and I miss the way you used to smile when I scratched the spot right above your tail.
I miss the way you used to chew on all my blankets until there were holes in them and mom was furious that another comforter had gone to the dog. I miss the way you used to start at the end of the bed and slowly work your way up next to me and then scootch me over with your butt until you had the majority of the bed and I was safely nestled into the corner.
I miss the way you used to always come to my side when I was sad or upset and let me hold you and cry against you. I miss when I used to pat my shoulders how you would jump up and hug me. Even when you were getting up there in years and I would kneel in front of you, you would still give the best hugs.
I know I couldn't be there as much as I wanted to be towards the end, but I hope you know that the events going on in our family never changed how much I love you and it meant more to me than you will ever know that you fell asleep peacefully in my arms.
You were and will always be the most cherished memory in my childhood. Every memory from catching snowballs to standing in front of me and growling when people were play-fighting with me.
There will never be another Bruiser. Thank you for choosing my family and being a part of my life for 15 wonderful years.
Love,
Rachel
Dear Tommy,
I can't believe you are gone...the feeling that you are still there is so strong that every time I arrive home I get the urge to run down to say hello to you and touch you and hug you. I miss all the beautiful expressions on your face, your soft fur, your beautiful pointy ears and your white paw. I keep finding your fur everywhere and every time it's like a punch in the stomach. I saved your collar, the one that felt so warm every time I took it off you after going for walks. It's right there next to your puppy pic on my nightstand. We all miss you every day Tommy...you were the best thing that ever happened to us, the most amazing and loving dog in the entire world. I will never ever forget you and I truly hope to see you again one day. Take care of Grampa like you did when he was still with us. I always remember you walking slowly with him when he got old...it was amazing.
I miss you so much....
Love,
Martina
Dear Tamaiijja,
I can't believe that you have been gone over a year already. I miss you so much. You were the sweetest dog I have ever known. After all you went through the first year of your life..being chained out in someone's backyard with no shelter then breaking free only to be hit by a car and lose a leg. After you became a part of our family you went on to become a Canine Good Citizen and registered therapy dog. The kids you visited and helped to read...the people in the hospital and those undergoing chemo treatments...you brightened their days with your sweet face and wagging tail. I miss your head resting on my lap...your nose nudging me to keep petting you and that husky howl when you wanted to play ball in the snow! All your brothers and sisters miss you very much too....you would have loved playing with your new brother Gunner...he is a goofy hound that I think you sent our way.
The five years I had with you surely were not enough...cancer is an evil disease that you fought bravely and with dignity. Making the decision to let you go to the Rainbow Bridge was so hard and I cry often when I see your picture or think of you...I hope that you are running free with Sandy, Bailey, Skeeter, Winnie and the rest of your family. Please look out for Murray as he has a sick heart and will not be with us too much longer....watch for him and show him the way...
You were such a beautiful dog...such a sweet soul and though the time I had with you was way too short it was such a blessing having you in my life. Knowing that you are waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge helps me get through the days. Hopefully I made your life half as wonderful as you made mine...I miss you everyday and love you so much MiMae!!!
Love,
Mom