Dear Buford,

It broke my heart today to put you to sleep. I wish there was some other way. When you bit my hand on Sunday with such force it scared and devastated me. I realized then so viscerally what I think I always knew but could not admit -- that you were not happy and had not been happy for a long time. I know that you wanted a certain kind of happiness that your papa and I couldn’t give to you. I know too that you had something emotionally going on inside you that made you frustrated at times, happy at times and forlorn at times. It wasn’t anything that you did or didn’t do or that we did or didn’t do. It just was. It killed your papa and I that we couldn’t figure out what to do to make you happy and give us peace in our home the way we needed it. We pray you have found your joy, your happiness and your peace in heaven.

This morning when papa let you outside, I saw you sitting on the rug, looking at the morning sun hit the trees and breathing in the cold fresh air. I came outside and sat next to you. We watched the beauty of the sun and the outdoors in the quiet silence. Somewhere in that quiet stillness there was peace. A peace emerging from the beauty that existed in the present. I felt you tell me that what was going to happen was all right because you already had the gift of the peace of that moment. It was a peace that many humans search years for but you were always able to find in our little back yard. It is why you rarely jumped the wall, because you found what you needed within the safety and beauty of our garden. Thank you for teaching me the value of stillness, solitude, cherishing the outdoors and not taking for granted the beauty in my surroundings, even in a little back yard.

You were shaking in my arms before the vet came in and your papa and I tried to calm you through our tears. You were so brave and gentle in facing this, like the true Alpha cat that you always knew you were but never got the chance to be. We wanted to be there to give you our comforting smells, voices and crying faces that would be the last images and thoughts you would take from this life. I know I heard you purr right before you died and it comforted me to hear the sound you make when you are most relaxed and happy.

Thank you for all the wonderful memories of: bending your head low for a head pet, chewing on my finger on the left side of your mouth, plopping into my arm crook for a cuddle, sitting for hours in your spot under the cape honeysuckle bush to escape the summer heat and look for bugs, wanting to share the lizards, birds and rats you caught with us, your dear high pitched meow that sounded like you were saying “milk” and your low pitched meow that sounded like “wow,” loving to play with stick toys and the hanging creature toy in our bedroom, your drowsy eyes when you would wait on the counter for Friskies, knowing how to sneak outside without us seeing you, being the toughest guy and the fraidiest kitty all at the same time, and always coming to me with a meow when I called you “Buford honey.”

Your papa and I will miss you my dear little boy. You were my baby, my forlorn one, my rat catcher, my one and only Buford honey.

We will always love you, dear Buford.

Love,

Mama and Papa (Amy and Art Almquist)

Dear Beloved Bear,

It's been only a few days since you left this world so the hurt is still very fresh. I still can't believe you are no longer going to be part of my cancer healing and life. I'm still in shock. I can't really look at pictures of you just yet but you're always on my mind, every minute of the day.

I'm finding so many every day things difficult which I did not expect. Going to sleep is hard, all I do is think of you. What could I have done to prevent what happened to you. Why did it happen. Why you. Why now. What did I do to deserve this. Why more [removed]. The ultimate what the f*@k.

Waking up is just as worse. I miss letting you out of your crate, tail wagging against it. (thump, thump, thump) Then you go beserk with your toy, wanting to play first thing in the morning. I miss you following me from kitchen to living room to the bedroom while I get ready. Giving me the look of hope if you get to come to work with me. Our morning walks. Our morning cuddles. I still look in the tub to see if you've peed in it.

I can't even make a soy smoothie yet because I used to give you a little. You and your little soy shake beard.

I hate coming home. I miss you jumping on me. Then you would nudge me with your toy, you are ever so keen to play. No one stares at me anymore when I eat. As I sit here, sometimes I think you will still pop out from under the couch to play or hear you make funny noises when you're dreaming.

My car is not the same with you riding in it, crying at me to take your seatbelt off once you knew we were near work. How on earth do you know which exit it is?

My work friends miss you too. It dawned on me that they've known you for 5 years of your life! So many people said that you were the highlight of their day when you're in the office. You brought so much happiness and joy to so many people.

I can't even pick up my keys without thinking that you'd pop out from under the couch to give me the guilty look for leaving you home.

I will miss traveling with you. I'm glad you got to go camping with all my friends & experience your first swim. We would've swum more if it weren't so cold! Even my Aussie friends are heartbroken.

I have no idea why I had to lose you especially in this time when I needed you the most as part of my healing process. I want to just hold you.

I hope that you thought I was the best mama to you even when I gave you tough love.

I miss you so much it hurts but I'm glad you are in a much happier place. I bet you get to eat whatever you want now.

I love you very much Bear. You made me very happy, you made me laugh and you gave me great joy. You're my best friend.

Love always and forever.

Missing You,

Mama

Dear Finnegan,

It doesn't matter how many years pass, Buddy-Boo, I still think of you every day. We had quite the life, didn't we, the three of us? You had this way of binding us together as a family. When we lost you, we lost that.

The week after you died, I went into seclusion and came out a few days later with a draft of a book I had written about you. I found it again a few months ago and read it over, sure that it would be just maudlin and schlock. And it was partially that, but even relevantly, it was a beautiful portrait of you and the people and places you loved.

I was reminded of so many things about you:

Your face after you'd been running in the snow, like in the picture.

The blissful holidays we spent up in Maine.

Your loving, welcoming, gentlemanly aspect, (as long as no cats were involved).

Your big tree in the back yard, and how you would chase the groundhogs who dared to trespass on your property.

Grooming sessions and baths, to which you patiently submitted, knowing how handsome you'd look on the other end (not to mention the treats you'd earn on the way).

The way you would take a proffered carrot out of my hand, carry it to "your" rug, arrange it between your front paws, plop your big fluffy butt down and munch away contentedly.

You were so well brought-up. That was your other daddy's doing more than mine. You and I were more like co-conspirators, best friends. I let you get away with lots more than I should have. But you had stolen my heart... how could I deny you anything?

Sometimes I wonder if I have ever loved another being as much as I loved you. There are times when I think that I am really deficient in the love department, that I can only take love, that I don't know how to give it. You set the perfect example of how to love purely, though. You didn't play favorites; you loved everyone on their own terms, and you gave them exactly what they needed. You could be a buoyant playmate or a companion in sorrow. Or sometimes just a barking maniac. That was okay, too, because you always kept us feeling watchdog-safe.

I know it was hard on you when we moved. How you missed your big backyard. We all three missed it. But you adapted to apartment life, and there was more than enough green just down the street in the park where we would spend time every day.

I think back to the really happy times, and I think back to the black times, and you were always there. On rare occasions you instigated the trouble, like when you ate several feet of that rag rug and had to have emergency surgery. Or the time you got out from the backyard and we wandered the streets calling for you for what seemed like hours, and then when when you finally found me and tore across the street in front of that truck.

I tried never to take you for granted, because I knew that you were a gift, and a rare one, and that I would never have another friend like you. I hope I was able to give back just a portion of what you offered to me.

When we found out you were sick and we had no idea how much longer we would have you: those are the most bittersweet memories for me. You and I would go sit in the park and I would hold you close to me and brush out your beautiful wheaten coat. And you would curl up like a big baby in my arms and I would sing, so softly, in one of your fluffy blue ears: "My Love is Like a Red, Red, Rose."

"And I will love thee still, my dear, till a' the seas gang dry."

And you would look at me from under those big bushy eyebrows with those brown, soulful eyes of yours, and I would know the best happiness I have ever known.

Every time I pass a wheaten terrier on the street, I know that there is a little angel, an urchin spirit, still beaming down love upon me. I see them, and it's like you're there all over again, my little Fluff Nugget.

So if you ever sense that I'm down and missing you more than I can bear, just let my eye fall on a little cousin of yours. I'll get the message.

Love,

DD

Dear To my dear Smoke,

I wrote a poem for you, because I was so so sad about losing you. I do that even to this day to express emotions. I hope you like the poem. I still feel like in some way it was my fault, that if I did not have your hernia fixed at the same time as having you "fixed" then this would not have happened. Even though they said it was an accident and told me what happened I still had a hard time dealing with it. Your brother is still not coping very well, he promised never to get close to another animal. I am still blaming myself and this is one way to help me cope. I miss your spunk and I still think about you all the time. I miss you so very much. I know that God is taking care of you now. I hope your sharing the blanket with him as you always stole them from me. Well, here is the poem and I will see you one day. Please forgive me. I am so sorry. I love you still.

Our Dog Smoke

One shiny night on a day in September

we rushed you to the ER

We did not know how much pain you were in

until the doc said, you were too far-gone

We made our decision in love and in fear

for we did not want to lose our dear friend Smoke

No more will we see your tail wag

or see your eyes light up when Kevin comes through the door

Dj will miss his best friend, when he goes to play fetch

and miss you nipping at his leg

You are in our hearts and we will love you always

You were only one year old, but acted like a dog of twenty

Your spunk and playfulness we will miss;

nevertheless, we feel it in our soul and it is then we will blow the air a kiss

Please catch our kisses Smoke, for they are for you and you alone,

take care of God as you sit by his side and make sure to uncover him

when you sleep by his side

In memory of Smoke

August 2005-September 16,2006

Love you always baby

Missing You,

mom

Dear Irma Cujo,

You left so suddenly. They always said you had a heart murmur but nothing ever came of it. We played in the car as we drove home. You nibbled on your knuckles and licked my hand. But when we got home you ran up to your other Mommy and fell over. Within hours your heart failed. That is impossible, your heart was your strongest feature for you loved me.

Impossible, irrational, stubborn, difficult me. Irma, you loved me.

You have been gone 36 hours now. I keep seeing you. I am not sure why I see you. Buddy your big brother dog has realized now you are gone. He is confused. The cats are indifferent, but aren't they always.

Irma, you are my best friend. You went to work with me everyday. You kept me accountable for myself and life. When my MS acted up your look of compassion would encourage me to get up and play with you or take you out. Now what can I do. Today I stayed home from work and sat on my butt. I tried to nap. I tried to sleep but I would wake up and find myself looking for you.

I can't find you. I know you're here. You're in my heart and my mind. It's kind of funny, you had a lot of Facebook and Twitter fans, they all miss you. I guess your personality was just so big.

I am sorry for any pain you may have been in. I hope there was not much. I did what I could. I tried to kiss and love you every waking moment and had I known I can't say I would do anything different, the doctor said your heart was going to fail, I am glad I was able to spend my time with you. My only wish was we rescued you when you were 7 or 8 and I only had you 6 years.

I miss you so much my very best friend.

Love,

Jordan

Dear Teddi,

I miss you terribly! Every time I look at your puppy pictures, I remember the wonderful times we had. When I look at the later pictures, I remember how awful it was for you in the end. So, I want to remember this and not those. I want to think of you with a smile, not a sob. Some day, that will happen. Some day, I will be able to think past missing you... maybe. Some day I will only smile when I think of our years together...maybe. Until then, I just let the pain flow and the tears fall. My throat tightens and I can't see. One day, this won't happen and I'll still remember the good days. One day.

Missing You,

Mom

Dear Teddi,

I can't believe it has been nearly two years that you've been gone. It feels like forever that I've missed you, yet it feels like just yesterday that you were with me. I still tear up when I think of you every day. I miss you more than I ever thought I would. Does that sound bad? People tell me that I should get another dog and you know I've always had a dog in my life, but I just can't do it. I feel so disloyal. 15 years is a long time to develop a relationship. You knew me for who I am and we accepted each other with all the quirks and difficulties.

I always felt that I didn't fight enough for you - with the house situation. I hated that. I mean, I know I fought to get you - and nearly lost a lot in the process - but I allowed him to decide things that I didn't agree with at all. I wish I had been stronger and been able to fight. You dealt with it like a champ - never making me feel guilty (even though I did) and never making me start an argument. But I wish I had. I wish I had fought tooth and nail to change your situation. I'll probably never forgive myself for that. I know you were happy and lived like a true and natural dog, but I wish things had been different. I wish I could've spoiled you with pillows and beds and toys all over the house. I know you had a huge dog house and your own fluffy bed, but I know you were lonely at night. I'm so glad I fought for you in the end. I'm glad we spent so much time together and I certainly didn't care if he felt neglected! He never would understand the relationship people have with pets. I think he has forgotten being a kid because you know he had pets all over the place. But he never seems to feel anything anymore.

I think, because I'll never forgive myself for not fighting harder for your situation, I could never bring another pup into our lives. I couldn't do it again. I couldn't watch someone else make those decisions. I'd probably end up divorced. And worse, I'd feel disloyal to you. I mean, if I can fight now, why couldn't I fight for you back then? I'm sorry I couldn't. Because I love you now as much as I did then and it still hurts so much that you're gone. I'll never forget you, Teddi and I don't know if this hole in my heart will ever heal. I miss playing with you, walking on the hill with you, sitting out in the sun with you. I miss watching you patrol the yard as you listen to the critters. I miss it all. I'm so stupid that I virtually foster abandoned and orphaned dogs who look like you. If I can't have you, at least I can try to help other babies who need someone, like you did when we met. I'm glad I fought as hard as I did to get you into our lives. The boys were so blessed to have you while they were growing up! All of their memories include your smiling face and flowing tail.

I love you, Teddi. That rainbow bridge poem is so beautiful and I sure hope to see you again one day. I know most people don't think that dogs have souls, but I think God has dogs in heaven. I really do. I don't care who thinks its stupid. I hope and pray that I'll see you again soon.

Love,

Mom

Dear Django,

Here's a letter I wrote about you when you left us last year...

"Sometimes I Want to Howl

I remember the night we brought Django home to live with us. It was in late February of 1998 . He was seven or eight weeks old, confused and scared. We had the advantage of not being confused but I was scared about the responsibility we had decided to take on. It was going to be up to us to care for this little life and to teach him the things dogs need to know.

We had him in the backseat of our little Volkswagon Fox, in a borrowed cat carrier stuffed with soft towels and a dog toy the breeder had given us to help reassure our little pup. The toy had been in the pen with the rest of Django's family and so it was covered with scents familiar to him. Gina was driving us home through the dark and I had a small flashlight so I could check in on the puppy. My first vivid memory of Django is of flashing that light into the carrier and seeing two frightened baby blue eyes peering back at me. I was hooked.

Over the course of the next 11 years I would often look into those eyes which had turned a hazel green by the time he was one. I took something from the trust that I saw in those eyes. Django knew he was a part of our pack and that he was safe with us. There was no place else he wanted to be but with us. That was a comfort most of the time but heartbreaking too when we had to leave him behind so we could travel.

As he grew older and less able to move around it seemed his despair at being left behind grew more and more intense. Now, we're the ones left behind and as I try to come to terms with the reality that I will never look into those eyes again I sometimes feel like howling at the top of my lungs until he comes home. That's what Django would have done for us."

I still miss you buddy.

Love,

Papa

Dear Mickey the Dog,

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. Maybe I should be "over it" by now but you were my boy and so I guess I am not. It's been more than five years now since you left on a new journey. Sometimes I can see you in my mind's eye sitting beside me. The only difference now is that mostly I think of you and smile rather than cry. But I sure do miss you.

I hope I provided you the life you wanted to live and gave you all the love you desired and needed...So that your next life would be even better than this!

I miss you Mickey. You were kind and compassionate and always ready to lend an ear and a shoulder to cry on when I need it. Thank you for being there.

Love,

Your girl

Dear Ernie,

It's so difficult to believe its almost been one year since you've been gone. I want you to know I still cry sometimes because I miss you and that if I could have anything in the world, it would be to have those years before I knew you back right now. Seven years just wasn't enough, but I sure am glad I had them. I got a new little buddy who was born on the day I lost you, I thought it was a great thing because we could celebrate you and him on the same day. His name is norman and he's silly pup, you would probably tell him to buzz off. When I think about you, I still remember the way it felt to pet your fur and I imagine you smiling and running around chasing after the carpenter bees like you used to do back in New Orleans. I know we'll see each other again one day, but just know that you're in my thoughts all of the time and you will always be my old man best friend.

Love,

Kate