Dear Buck,

I don't really know what to say. I have been pretty much numb since you left. You were such a huge part of my life, that now I don't even know what to do with myself. I still keep thinking you are here, and that I need to be home in time for your medicine, and not make noise after dark so I won't wake you while you are getting much needed sleep. I can't believe you are gone.

I know that you are with Tilly now, and that gives me some comfort. We both loved her so much. I just wish her loss hadn't had such a life changing effect on you. I miss her too, but hoped you and I could make it through to happier times. You, apparently, just wanted to be with her. I get that.

I knew we were in trouble when you quit crowing when she died. Then, the tumor started to grow. I hoped we could beat it, but then the others showed up. The vet said people just don't even try to fight cancer in chickens, so he didn't know if it would work or not. I held out hope. I would do it again.

I love that you still gave me love and affection even when you must have felt crappy. I love that you were so patient with me when I had to give you medicine. I love that you were still your loving snuggly self with me, even though I know you were mourning her loss. I miss these things. I don't know how to go through a day without them anymore.

People didn't get it when Tilly died, and they are actually sort of avoiding me now that you are gone too. I know I am not my usual cheerful self, but I have suffered the loss of both you, and your beautiful friend. If you had been dogs or cats, they would get it. But, since you weren't, I am just some weird person who loved "irrelevant and stupid animals that deserve whatever treatment they get" (yes, someone actually said that). You and Tilly were hugely relevant in my life, and will always be.

I hope that you and Tilly are together, and loving each other like you did here. I hope that you both remember your time here with me fondly, and that I get to see you again some day. I know that I will never forget you, and that I look forward to that day. Until then, I hope that it just gets to the point where I don't feel like crying all the time, and just rest in the comfort that you both are happy now, together.

People keep asking me if I will get more chickens. I just don't know. I know that I am one of the few people that understand what wonderful sentient beings you are, but I can't even believe how painful this whole thing has been. I would not trade one minute of the time I spent with you for anything, but I have this huge hole in my heart now. I guess time will tell. For now, I try to honor your memory, and make it through one day at a time. I miss you something fierce, and will remember you forever as my little fuzzy chicken buddy. Please know that there was nothing I wouldn't have done to save you. Sadly, it was not to be.

Give Tilly a kiss for me buddy. I miss you both, and always will.

Love,

Gramma (Amy)