Sweet Bijou,

It's only been 3 day's since I last held you in my arms & you took your last breath. With all the kisses & hugs I could muster up your passing just devastated Dad & I. You were our special boy, we went through so much together. You so helped me through my Cinnamon's passing. We adopted Blossom who was 6 mos to the day younger then you. You both just made our lives complete! My cancer & your ear canal's being removed. We were a pair, but we helped each other. You helped me through my cancer but I feel I failed you. The Lymphoma pill didn't work, the radiation didn't work, we started the chemo (palladia) pill it didn't work. You lost control of your back legs, we bought a (wheelchair) cart for you & you couldn't balance, you could stand to go outside even with us helping you. We washed you dried you, fed you & most lovingly loved you unconditionally as you did for us! Our home is empty, Blossom is not sure where you are. We are so sad, we miss you so much! I hear Dad crying in his office & in the the bedroom. He hears me crying everywhere. I'm not sure how we will go on without you. You didn't just take a piece of our heart, you took all! Dad love to spoil both of you, he loved you sitting by his chair during dinner & putting your head under his arm while he ate! No matter what I said, your manners I could not curve! We started to allow you 2 to sleep with us. During the night you would shimmy up to Dad's pillow & put your head on that pillow, Dad would turn his head & get a big wet kiss from his boy! Bijou, we so loved that! I loved you sleeping in between, it was just too cute! My sweet boy, you have no idea how much our hearts are broken. I miss you so much & every time I thing the tears have stopped, the flow starts again. I can't even think of driving back to CA. without you sleeping on my lap pretty much the whole trip (Blossom was not happy with that). You loved the stops at McDonalds for your egg & the hamburger's for lunch. That special treat we did when we traveled with you both. I cannot say good bye, it's too hard! We love you buddy, our little beastie boy!

Love Always,

Mommy & Daddy

Sweet Damon,

It's been 1 year since our last moments together. They seem so fleeting still. I still regret how short of a time we had together but if I had to change anything I would not change a thing. With you, I learned something I had never known before which is the ability to love so unconditionally. And it was that unconditional love I have for you that obligated me to have to let you go.

I often feel you here with me. I can finally laugh and smile when I think of you. It took me some time to get here though I find myself crying as I write this note as a cool fall night descends upon us I cannot help but wish you were here with me as my own personal space heater.

Poopy nose I miss the way you tossed your toys around, how you would bite into my shopping bags, how no shoelace was safe, you sneaking into my closet to nap and our Sundays on the couch curled up with the blanket.

I hope you have everything you need and you are as healthy as the day we met without the pain and discomfort you felt on your last few days with me. I am sure you have all the treats and toys your heart desires.

Thank you for your time here with me, making me laugh and bringing me the most joy of my life.

I miss you every day and know some day I'll allow another kitty to try and fill your paws but know you will always be my first love.

Love Always,

Mama (Yvania)

Dear Jack,

I miss you so much little buddy. I wish we had more time together. I'm sorry that I got aggravated with you near the end. I'm sorry that I wasn't the most patient mama. I feel like it was selfish to let you go because I couldn't watch you falling apart anymore. You were always such a good boy. I loved living in Boston with you and taking you on the T and letting you bark at the swan boats. Remember when you almost bit the maintenance man's hand? I miss you when I'm on walks with the girls. It feels strange to not be tripping over you when I'm on walks. 11 years, despite my best efforts, and you never figured out how to stop getting under my feet. I miss snuggles with you. I'm sorry I didn't pick you up and put you on the bed every night. It's been almost 3 months since you're gone and I still cry all the time. I know if you were here you'd be licking my salty face. I never realized just how bonded we were, and I wish I could go back and love you better. I feel like I wasn't good enough for you. I didn't deserve to be loved so much by you. You were my boy. You were so loyal and goofy. I miss your whole body wag and the way we would "talk" when I got home. Dammit I miss you so much. I even miss tripping over you. I hated watching you get old, and watch your heart get worse, and watch your body betray you. I couldn't watch your legs giving out, and when you would look so confused walking around the house. We lived for in the same house for 8 years and you looked around like you'd never been there before. It broke my heart to see your mind slowly deteriorate. It hurt to realize that you were walking in front of me all the time because you had gone blind and didn't know where you were going. There's so much I wish we could have done to fix you, but I know there wasn't anything. Dr. Amy told me I shouldn't feel this way but I do. I would have lost everything if it meant I could save you. I miss the clicking of your nails on the floor when you would start to fret at night and pace the house. I miss holding you like a baby. I know it annoyed you but you tolerated me and let me do it anyway. I was so worried about you falling down the stairs when you'd get there before me. It's strange for me not to have to vacuum everyday to get all that white hair up. White hair on everything, people thought I had a cat. I told them "nope, my baby Jack, who's allergic to cats." I still think it's hilarious that you're allergic to cats. You were a special one Doodle. Special in every meaning of the word. Gloria misses feeding you tomatoes and lettuce. I miss searching for treats that you aren't allergic to. You and Jade were with me in the hardest times of my life, and I wouldn't have survived if I didn't have you two. I loved you so much and I hope that I at least showed you that and treated you well while you were her on this Earth. I know I'll see you again. I hope you'll forgive me if I wasn't the best mama. I just want to be able to hold you and hug you again. I couldn't let go of you after you died. I held you for so long and cried. I felt like I let you down. Everybody says I did right by you for your whole life with me but I'll never feel like I did enough for you. You were my protector. You wouldn't ever let anyone hurt me. You picked who you liked, and I trusted your judgement. If you didn't like them, I didn't trust them. I wish you were still here. I know you were old, but sometimes I feel like there was more I could do. I wish I had been nicer, cuddled more, yelled less, loved on you more often. The girls miss you too. They smelled your bed and wouldn't lay in it for the longest time. We all miss you my little angel. I love you so much

Love,

Mommy

Dear Rufus,

You showed up at my front door one day out of the blue. I didn’t know what your actual name was so I thought Rufus seemed to fit you rather nicely (Hope you liked the name). How incredibly sweet and what a handsome face. How could I resist? You were wearing only a flea collar and you had been fixed. You certainly appeared healthy (weight wise). Why on earth would you be roaming around all alone in the neighborhood? How could someone just leave you? I have always imagined that it was a hard choice for them to make. Maybe they thought you would be better off on your own outside. Who knows. However, the one thing that I do know is it turned out to be one of the biggest blessings of my life.

You quickly acclimated yourself to the house and your new surroundings. Maggie and your kitty step sisters Isabel and Sophia graciously welcomed you in. I’ll never forget how wonderful it was when you would walk up and down the side of the bed demanding lots of belly and chin rubs. And when you had your fill of those, you would curl up beside me with one outstretched paw placed on my arm and gently doze off to sleep. You slept with our paw like this for such a long time – the first few years if I remember correctly. I thought it was incredibly sweet but at the same time I had a feeling it was because you wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to leave you like someone had before. I can tell you that is something that would never have happened in a million years my sweet boy. Never.

I wanted to write this so that you would know how much you meant to me and what a profound mark you left on my heart. You were not perfect – not even close. But then again, neither was I. With everything we went thru though, I would not change a thing. That is because I love you, plain and simple.

Spending the entire day with you on what would turn out to be your last day here before heading off to heaven was a very hard and yet freeing experience for me. In no way was I ready for you to go, but on the other hand it was nice to just sit and reflect over the time we had together. I’m very sad that I wasn’t there for your last breath but I have a feeling you didn’t want me to be there either. Your sister Isabel was with you and that eases the pain a little. I wish I could have said goodbye my sweet little guy, but I think that is what you were trying to avoid. So when I went to take a call you quietly departed with Isabel there to help you. I understand. I have never been that great at goodbyes myself either.

Thanks again for being such a good listener. Our late night talks will definitely be missed. More importantly though, thanks for all the love. Hopefully I showed you how much I care and love you while you were here.

So goodbye for now sweet boy – Until we see each other again. Love you !!

Talk to you on Wednesday (only you will get this)

(PS – I hope you don’t mind but I put the picture of the painting I did of you – It’s from when we first met --- Haven’t seen my heart since )

Love,

Dad

Dear Kyle,

It's been one week since I got to look into your beautiful brown eyes and tell you I love you. Home and my heart are so empty without you. I am trying hard to be strong, but I realize much of my strength came from loving and caring for you. Everything reminds me of you. When I was at home you were always with me. Whether you were snuggled, patiently waiting, walking with me or just hanging out, you were always by my side. Mama's best friend in the whole world. We did so much and when I was not home, I could not wait to get back home to you. Now it just feels like there are so many "no mores".

No more snuggles, no more Star Light Star Bright, no more conversations that would make most people scratch their head or laugh, no more sitting on the back deck in the late afternoon sun, no more hugs and kisses, no more howling when you are super excited, no more alerting me that it's dinner time (a half hour early), no more introducing you and saying "be careful he will wash your face with kisses", no more big spoon-little spoon, no more hours working on the computer with you nestled in the chair with me (even when you would rather do anything else), no more sitting on mama's lap facing me with your hands on my shoulders while we play "wanna go to Boston", no more talking about you incessantly on vacation to strangers who think I'm crazy until I show your picture and then they just understand, no more looking into your eyes and feeling so lucky to be your mama.

I've been looking through thousands of pictures these last few days, I'm trying to update your website for the final time. How it hurts to write that. But when I was looking through the pictures, I realized you went on so many adventures: play dates, vacations, family visits, walks, hikes, and events. And you had birthday parties, holiday gifts, and professional photo shoots. You didn't have a dog's life, you had a childhood! And you were so loved! Mostly by me (no one could possibly love you more), but by your family, friends, neighbors, doctors, my coworkers, and of course your little brother Kody.

Kody is lost without you but don't worry I am giving him extra love and attention. He keeps waiting for me to bring you home. I don't have the heart yet to tell him you are watching over him from the stars above. He's still full of energy, but occasionally he senses that I am so sad and he will give me a few minutes of snuggles and affection. I know you are sending him secret messages to do so. Thank you.

I've been talking to you every night when I see your star. I hope you can hear me. Even when it's cloudy I've been looking for you. I am so grateful for all that you gave me. The joy, the love and the friendship that we shared was the greatest of each. I am blessed to have had you in my life. Many never get to have a love like ours fill their heart. That's why losing you hurts so very much. The pain is equal to the love, and the love is infinite. I will never stop loving you, missing you or speaking to you. You were the center of my little world and you will always own the biggest piece of my heart.

Thank you for being my little boy, my best friend, my puppy, my everything. You are my Star Light Star Bright, you are the first star I see every night. Mama loves you more than anything in this world.

Love,

Mama

Dear Amidala,

I cannot write your name without crying. You have only been gone a few weeks, and I am no closer to "finding peace". I miss you. You are completely irreplaceable. I wake up in the morning, and by the time I've started the coffee , I remember what happened...I feel this sharp pain in my stomach and my blood turns to ice...how could it have happened? I miss you so, so much. I wish more than anything I could turn the clock back and have had the insight to get you screened for heart disease, which is surely what took you, stole you from me like a thief in the night. But in over a half century of having cats in my life, I have never seen this. I could never have predicted it. I am just sick in my heart without you. I thought we had so much time ahead.

Everywhere I go I see your absence, when I open the back door to let dogs in, and remember your funny little habit of peering over the top of the window, just the wee ears and huge owl-eyes.."there's your troll" Alex would say. The spot on the stairs where you'd sit and watch stoicly over the goings-on below, but completely flip out with happiness if I came over and played with you....And the space beside me in the office...so empty. My heart just breaks without you.

I hope I was a good enough Mom, I loved you so much. It's still unreal that you are gone.And now I am sat here trying to write, I recall that we communicated in such a unique way - songs, noises, touch..it's awkward to convey what I feel in ordinary words. Maybe I can just say this.

Of all the animals I have had, do have and will have, of all that I love and will love, you will always remain unique in my memory and in my heart. I will never stop loving you.Your death leaves me in pieces, but it will have a legacy...I am already making changes in my life I have needed to for a long time, to honour not only you, but the person I see when I reflect on this grief. The one who cherishes cats. Whose work needs to be so much bigger than it has been this past while..in rescue, inadvocacy, and in other species (aside from the dogs!) There will be a big part of you in all I do in future, and I will never forget you.

Thank you, Dolly lama, for all you were, in your feral magic and hilarious ways and unforgettable presence. Thank you for your devotion to me, and for keeping me laughing in hard times and grateful when I wasn't inclined to be. Whatever strange dimension you came from, I can only say this: there is no one like you, and there never will be. I was blessed to have been your person for a whole 9 years - not long enough, but so so precious.

Please come back when you can.Until then, my sweetheart, my faerie - - Slán abhaile a stór mo chroi.

Love,

Mom

To Pepper,

My lovely Pepps,

I loved you from the moment I saw you. I was smitten by your one floppy ear and your ridiculous plume for a tail. Even at the pound you radiated joy, which you freely shared. I feel so lucky that you came in to our life.

You were the Queen of Sticks, and had boundless energy when retrieving them. You taught our other dogs that water is nothing to be afraid of, and that swimming is fun. You are the most intelligent, precious friend that anyone could wish for. I love you more than I can express.

Thank you for our 14 years together. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for your gentle kisses. The house feels empty without you. I feel empty without you. I love you.

Love Always,

Estee

Sweet Tobzilla,

What on earth can I say?

My sweet butter bean. My darling baby prince. I love you with all my heart. I feel a gape in my soul, it hurts so much I can't wrap my mind around it. It's like a dark cloud stretching for miles in every direction.

Do the circumstances make it worse?

Probably.

But the widest gap between me and anything positive was created when you drifted off to sleep.

I know you're here with me. I know you've only left that fluffy little body, but that purr. Tob! Tob! Your purr! Your tail. The way you draped your body across the threshold, the sounds you made, your snore. Your snore, Tob. How do I go on without that? How do I love anyone ever again when you were all I have ever really loved?

Oh my baby, my kitten, my prince. Fourteen years was not enough. Fourteen more wouldn't have been enough either, but I thought I would have a few more, at least.

My heart is broken. I am not entirely sure I can do this without you by my side. I'm not quite sure I can ever get over this. I'm not quite sure, baby boy. I was only ever sure of you. You and your purr and the way you rubbed your face on me.

It hurts and I can't breathe and I feel like I'm dying. Tob, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, so eternally sorry. I will always be sorry. I will always have a hole in my heart and you own it. You are it. I love you. I love you so much. I love you so much. I love you forever. I love you the whole width of the inifinite universe. I love you until the end of time. I love you and I will find you one day and we will be together again.

Love,

Your devastated momma

Dear Otis,

What can I say? It's taken me a long time to sit down and write this letter. Largely, this is because I find myself often without the words to express the depth of my emotions, or more importantly, the enormity of the place you occupy in my heart.

We met when someone thought you weren't worth keeping because you were "ugly." They let you run free around the neighborhood and it's a miracle you weren't hit by a car. Ugly? You are the sweetest dog inside and out, and quite handsome!

You were skeptical of everyone when you first joined us at the house on Camilla. Within weeks however, your wily self emerged, running in the yard, chasing the ball and even accompanying a few bike rides.

How anyone could *not* have wanted you is incredible to me; it took all of about 5 seconds for anyone to fall in love with you! And, you loved to show off. I showed you a few tricks and you were always so eager to perform them. In fact, it was your tricks that first attracted your mama to me. She absolutely fell in love with you first!

When you met Pushkin, we knew it was kismet as you two hit it off immediately. Within minutes, you were chasing the Billy Pilgrim toy around the house and knocking around. The memory is still so vivid, I call upon it often when I'm missing you.

Otis, I want to say thank you for 12 years of laughs, love, and daily joy. Every day is a gift, and having you in it made every day so extra special. Now, not having you here is hard, but I am grateful for the way you changed me and helped me find a greater depth of love for all beings. And, I know, in some way, you're a part of everything around me... When we walk in the park past your favorite tree, when Galileo does his business on the slope where you once did, I know that you are all around us, still there, still showing G what to do.

You'll always be my wingman.

Love,

Your Dad, Seth

Dear Sugar,

Today marks 1 year without you here to curl up in my lap. I wanted to do this much sooner than now, but the truth is, I'm still coping with not having you here. I'm just now able to say your name and look at pictures of you. I still cry. I teared up at work today because of what happened last year on this day. I still remember it like it was yesterday. I feel horrible because you passed on a Tuesday and I adopted your sister the following Saturday. I didn't do it to replace you because you will never be replaced. I did it because I needed help getting through the minutes. She helped, but my heart had to heal a little bit more. She's beautiful, Sugar - I know you wouldn't like her, but she's taking care of me. Her name is Abi. So is Flax. I know you don't like him because you met him. Boy, that was fun (not!) But he's taking care of me too and I know you would like him for that. Going from a sweet 16 year old girl like you to two babies at the same time was sure a challenge! But it kept me busy, which is what I needed.

Your daddy and I are getting married next year! We finally set a date :-) Don't worry, my daddy stayed with me a little longer after you were gone. He took you back home with him so you live at your old stomping grounds again. We protected your grave and you have a beautiful marker right above you. You're right next to Trixie and I know you two are running around together again. You in the front, and Trixie right on your heels, chasing you and trying to bite your butt (literally). Geez, I'm sobbing like a huge baby right now. I know one day I'll be able to think about you and smile without crying. One day, I'll be able to display more pictures of you. I kept the shirt that I was wearing as I held you that day - is that weird? I just can't let it go or wash it yet.

I miss you. I miss the small things that you would do. Sometimes, I'll be cuddling with Flax and Abi and I'll be petting them, then I'll catch myself petting their feet, but I'll immediately stop. Then I remember that you're the one who didn't like that - not them. You absolutely hated your back feet being touched. Other times, Flax might be standing over me, and I'll wait for him to start licking my forehead...but he doesn't do that. You did. I miss that too. They aren't good nighttime spooners like you were. I miss spooning with you, Sugar! ....and they have ruined my furniture. They claw it. I'm up to four scratching posts and a HUGE cat tree...and they still prefer the couch and chair. Go figure. You never did that. They have ruined the blinds that cover the back doors and Flax likes to chew my shoes. Abi likes to chew the sideof the door frame. Since when do cats do that?! Abi's other hobbies are not using the litter box and swinging from the shower curtain and/or bedroom curtain by her front claws. *sigh*

I might be moving soon. I found out this week that I'll have to move because they are going to renovate. I'm glad I don't have to put you through another move. Bless your heart, we moved one year before we lost you. I know you were nervous and not happy - you hated car rides. I still have the video of you talking to me while we drove to our new home :-) I'm curious to see how Flax and Abi will deal with it. This is the only home they've ever known. They like car rides though. Flax likes to ride in my lap. I think Abi gets sick like you used to. I remember when we first moved with you. We had hardwood at our old house and carpet in the new one. You fell on your side and started rolling around from one side, to your back, to the other side, and back again. I laughed so hard. I don't think you ever lived in a carpeted house until we moved. I don't want to move because I feel like I'll be leaving you behind. I keep telling myself that I won't be though, because I have our blanket and other things that remind me of you. They say time heals, but that's not entirely true. It just makes it easier to remember the one you love. As time goes on, I can remember you and not cry so quickly. The day will come when I remember you and smile without crying at all. I know you want that day to be here now. You didn't like to see me cry. You always knew and you were always there with cuddles. I think Abi and Flax know that I'm sad today. They haven't left my side. Abi tried to give me nose kisses.

The coolest thing happened today. I was on my way to work and I passed the police station. All of the flags were lowered to half mast, but I can't find any reason for them to be. So my conclusion is that they are lowered in your memory, my sweet girl. All for you! And you definitely deserve it because you were the best kitty ever! I know you're still watching over me and one day we will be together again. Time will fly and that day will be here soon. Until then, I'm going to live for you, Sugar cat. I'll cuddle Flax and Abi as much as I can and give them all the kisses I can. I did my best to take care of you, including knowing when it was time to say goodbye. Now I'm taking care of Flax and Abi. You were such a spoiled little girl and the best way to honor you, I felt, was to adopt another little girl. That's why I got Abi. She needed a home and you gave her one. Words can't express how much I miss my favorite cuddle buddy, but I'm living one day at a time, just doing my thing and staying busy.

I love you my sweet Sugar cat.

Missing You,

Your Mama