Sweet Navy,

it hasn't even been a week since you left. cancer was eating away at you and we had to stop the pain somehow – you couldn't get up to greet us, you couldn't walk, you couldn't play. seeing you like that has broken my heart. letting you go wasn't nearly as hard as watching how the disease took your life away so quickly.

your daddy is devastated. i am heartbroken and hurting. you meant so much to us.... we were a big pet family but you were the core. without you, everything has shifted, everything is unrecognizable. the coming weeks and months, we just have to get used to this new life without you in it – and it all seems hollow and sad.

you were kind, patient, calm, gentle, sensitive – and silly, playful, goofy, a grinning fool, romping through snow like a puppy, even with your bad hips. i love dogs and i've known many but you were a milestone. there will always be a "before" and "after" for our time together.

i cry still, but i don't want to. i want to forget the cancer and the last few weeks when we struggled to keep you comfortable. i want to remember the other eleven-and-a-half years that were the best in our lives. your daddy and i took you on road trips, bought a house, got married, adopted other dogs to keep you company, we built a humble little life with you. navy, you were so loved.

if there is a dog heaven, i know what you're doing.

you're collecting toys and sticks, you're off-leash and romping hard, you're throwing your weight into my lap with a heavy sigh, you're staying up until 2 a.m. at one of our dinner parties, you're waiting outside the dollarstore for me to bring out a stuffy toy for you, you're pulling my glove off my hand so you could carry it home for me, you're grinning at me from across the room, you're asleep with your tongue out, you're falling behind on our hikes, you're looking at me when i'm babbling to you, eyebrows furrowed, wanting desperately to understand. i was only ever saying i love you.

and you're sitting at the door, waiting to see us again.

Love,

mommy

Sweet Navy,

You started limping on a Saturday morning in January. The night before, you romped with your brother and sister and tried, like you always did, to dig a hole in the ice. Then just you and I went out to meet mommy at the bus stop and you were a puppy again in how excited you were to see her. You were wearing the doggy shirt your mommy got you for Christmas with that silly picture of me on it, and I was wearing the silly shirt mommy got for me two years ago with your smiling face on it. Off Leash and Rompin' Hard it says.

I remember the day your mommy got you for me. Mommy had asked me to come over after work and I thought you were an inquisitive cat from a distance. When I realized saw you weren't a cat, and instead the best dog ever, I thought 'that's awesome, Nina got a puppy.' When she told me you were for me, I dropped to my knees and gave you the biggest kiss and I never stopped smiling for the rest of your life.

We spent a special year together in that apartment near Maple Leaf Gardens, just you and me. We watched Star Trek together all the time. You destroyed that ugly blue couch — I remember coming home from work and the parquet floor all over our place was obscured by polyester fluff, like you evenly distributed it all. You looked at me like, 'what? you were gone.' I remember those days waking up to you gnawing on my hand-made side tables in bed — you always slept at the head of the bed. I loved every second.

Soon enough mommy and Calvin were around a lot more and then we all moved in together in that apartment on Cosburn. You had to move to the bottom of the bed, I'm not sure if you ever forgave mommy for that. Every party we had always ended the same, with a few drunk people congregated around you, wide awake and getting pets. You always stayed with us to the end, even when you cut your paw while we walked to the wine store and it wouldn't stop bleeding. Emma picked you up half-way through the party when the VEC said you could come home and even though you were dazed on the drugs, you still stayed up with us, never wanting it to end.

And you had so many friends. Emma and my dad were particular favourites: You howled in grief when my dad didn't spend adequate time here during visits and you whined with glee whenever Emma came over. We've said goodbye to many doggy friends, too: Chelsea, Buster, Rizla and Hunter all left us too early. Even your dog-park friends: Nigel who kept giving you Giardia over and over again and Trapper who taught you how to be noble. No one compared to Calvin though, he taught you everything about loyalty. After he left and didn't come back you slept in his bed for a week.

You stuck with us through your annoying new siblings Sailor and Sophie. At our wedding you gave mommy and I a look that said 'there are too many people here!' We'll never forget that, it proved you were a discerning dog. And you protected your baby cousin Lucy from the crowds all night.

You were strong, too. After your tummy surgery, I visited you every day and cried with an indescribable happiness when you finally started eating again. You stayed with us for two more years after that and we cherished every second.

Then, cancer. Your limp only got worse and the news hit us like a truck. I didn't sleep that night and had a job interview the next morning. I credit you with getting me through it because I wasn't nervous: You were all that mattered. A few weeks later, you stopped eating anything but steak and you whined when you couldn't get up. You were sad and hurting and we didn't want you to be sad any more. On March 6, we watched Star Trek together and ate steak. On March 7 your big heart beat its last time and we wailed in agony as if something was being torn from our bodies. But, later we started looking over all our old photos and we saw how happy you were for those 4155 days.

We will miss you, Navy, always and forever.

Love,

Daddy

Sweet Dexter,

Sexydexy, you were the best dog I have ever had. From the moment I looked in your perfect, sweet face, I was in love. I am so sorry that your life ended so suddenly and that you were so young. Two years of physical therapy and acupuncture for a muscle tear and you died in pain from a ruptured tumor your routine blood tests couldn’t even detect. It makes my heart hurt.

I think about you every day, and I have cried every single day for a month and a half. Celebrating Christmas and the New Year without you has been incredibly difficult, and I cannot believe I will never hold your furry little face in my hands, and nibble your big nose ever again.

I am so sad without you in my life. You taught me so much - how to care for another life, responsibility, and what unconditional love feels like. Because of you I finally feel like I am ready to be a mom, and I can’t believe you won’t be here with us when we raise our children. I thought I had so much more time with you - seven years was simply not enough.

Mollie misses you too - you were a great big brother to her and such a great influence for a young rescue dog. Your dad never had a dog before you (but we were a package deal!) and I never saw him cry until the day you left us. An ex-boyfriend of my sister’s even reached out to tell me how great of a dog you were, and that you understood human emotions more than any other dog he ever met. He says you made him want a Wheaten Terrier someday. I hope you know your whole family - your grandparents and all of my siblings - were with you when you left. I never let go of your little paw.

Your nose and paw prints are on our wall, and your #normansgang dog tag #288 is in a shadow box by your ashes.

I love you so much, I miss you more than I can ever say, and I wish you were still here with me. I hope you are running wild and free over the rainbow bridge and that I’ll get to hold you again one day, my baby man, baby dog, and best friend.

Missing You,

Mommy

To MIJI,

I miss you girl. Never got a chance to say goodbye, or properly grieve when I was younger. When mom came home with her tail between her legs that evening I knew something shapely wrong had been committed. She claims you got loose and ran ahead like you playfully did all the time but remained tentative and disciplined, when demanded or asked of. She claimed you were dognapped and she tried looking for you all over the place, which where was the immediate scene of your disappearance. As soon as she turned the corner to anticipate your adorable self, you vanished with no trace, or witnesses saying anything about information that may or may not have lead to our rescue and returned of you. By then when I was made aware, I had quickly surveyed the neighbouring buildings and asked the local tenants, and neighbourly elderly that are always about having there presence known that, where they are currently congregating is their neighbour "bench". WHICH THEY, believe it or not are the eyes, ears, and gossip of the hood. There is no reason why they would lie unless they are suspects and guilty.

I missed you all these years and have had my heart broken. I have anxiety and depression when I think of replacing my sidekick, roll dog, princess, and badass bitch.

never will I stop appreciating and cherishing our times and memories spent alongside together.

miss you,

B. HA, I.

Love Always,

B. HA, I.

Dear Zeus,

It has been 19 days since you fell asleep for the last time. I can't help but regret some things. I worry I didn't hold you enough those last few days. I'm sad that I wasn't holding you when you passed like I was supposed to. You went to sleep on the floor by yourself, while I watched TV. I only put you down for maybe 20 minutes. I miss your cuddles so much.

I cry less now than I did before, but that doesn't mean I miss you any less. I'm glad that you're not in pain any longer, but it's just so cruel that you were only able to live 10 months. 10 months of illness and pain. I try to remember that you had good times too. Wagon rides, lots of treats, 100s of toys, and soo many cuddles. But it just wasn't enough.

I love you Baby Zeus. You'll forever be my sweet baby boy.

Love,

Momma

Sweet Buttons & Eddie,

It's been so many, many years now since I lost the two of you. I think of you both often as you were my first very own cats. You saw me through many good times and bad. Divorce, death of my mom, my grandparents, my uncle and many others... You got me through the ups and downs of my marriage, an abusive husband, moving to a new home twice in less than a year, and so many other things. Buttons you were my little ham - pretty girl who loved to play fetch with paper and money, waved your pretty tail on command, and loved to let me dress you up in clothes. My sweet girl you had asthma so bad and a hernia that you were born with which made your asthma worse. You almost died on us one time when you had a tooth pulled and nearly bled to dearth because of the asthma medication preventing your blood from clotting. But luckily you survived and lived another 5 or 6 years. Eddie you were the curious one and the one who loved to play with bottle caps and milk rings. You were a happy kitty and when you purred ity sounded as though someone had started up a Harley. I got the two of you as kittens in front of K-Mart. Someone was giving you away so I referred to you as my blue light special. You came into this world together so after 19 long years together I felt it best to have you pass to the Rainbow Bridge together. Both of you were quite sickly so I thought it was best to let you go. I was still in the middle of my divorce so it was really hard to let you both go. I will always love you though. Someday we will be together again but until then know that I love and miss you both so much. And I am forever grateful that you came into my life.

Missing You,

Mommy

Sweet Missy,

My sweet, sweet Missy Moo. I miss you so much! It's been 2 months now since you left us. It seems like just yesterday though. I see you and feel your presence everywhere. Everything reminds me of you. I love you so much. Tomorrow would have been your 11th birthday so I just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday and tell you how very much I love you and miss you.

Missing You,

Mommy

Sweet Butters,

My sweet boy! You are missed so very much. It's been almost a year now since you crossed to the Rainbow Bridge. Since then you have now been joined by your beautiful Mama Kitty and by our sweet little Missy. Please tell them mommy sends them Meows and Barks! I just wanted to wish you a Happy 12th Birthday! Your brother Tweekies is still here with me and I know that as he turns 12 he is missing you too. You are forever loved and missed my sweet boy but someday we will be together again. I love you so much!

Missing You,

Mommy

Sweet Mama Kitty,

I posted this letter before but forgot the photo so here it is again.

It's been about 2 weeks since you left us. My sweet, sweet girl I wish I had been able to help you. I wish you would have somehow let us know you needed our help, that you were sick.You survived cancer a year before only to leave us now

I will never forget the first day I brought you home. You were such a brave girl. You were so young and had a litter of kittens under a man's porch. One day he came home to hear you hissing and growling and when he went outside he found you on top of a raccoon's back trying to make it drop one of your babies. He shot and killed the raccoon and rushed the baby to the vet hospital. They did many surgeries on him and miraculously he survived. He had special needs so a friend who worked at the vet's office adopted him. The man then went and caught you (you were feral and wanted nothing to do with people) and got the 2 remaining kittens, both boys. My 2 elderly kitties had just gone to the rainbow bridge so I adopted the 2 boys right away. Their names were Butters & Tweeks after the cartoon South Park. About a month later I was able to bring you home. You promptly let me know how you felt about that by peeing on my bed and then hiding. I didn't mind though. I knew you were scared and that eventually you would warm up to me. It took a while but finally you did. I hope you know how very grateful I am to you for sharing your babies with me. I wanted some of my own so badly and it just wasn't meant to be. But you shared your boys with me and I will love you forever for that.

You were probably the sweetest kitty I have ever had but at the same time you were tough. You stood guard for your family whenever a raccoon would be lurking in the back yard. I think my favorite memory of you is how you would give your kisses. You would wait until your "victim" was laying down. Then you would jump up on the bed, give a rub of your face and then throw your entire body into a full on body slam. Sometimes so hard that you would fall over doing it. That was your way of saying "I love you" and "PET ME NOW!!!"

Besides you 3 kitties, we also had a beautiful little Chihuahua, Missy living with us. Missy was very protective of you kitties even though the two of you at times pretended not to like each other. I think it was a game you played because as you both got older, you both became more tolerant of each other.

In August 2017 Butters became very sick with liver failure. He passed to the Rainbow Bridge and while we all took it really hard I think you took it the hardest. You withdrew to one of the spare bedrooms and rarely would come out. Then Mommy got a new boyfriend and he began to pay a lot of attention to you and gave you lots of loves and pets even when you didn't seem to want them. Then one day you started venturing out of the room and spending time with us. You became really attached to him and even started giving him your body slams. You would even come to him when he called for you.

When you got sick we rushed you to the vet hospital but unfortunately it was too late. Our sweet girl was not going to make it. I think that maybe you decided you wanted to go be with Butters. It was hard on us because our beloved Missy had died just a month before. Tweekies misses all 3 of you. So does mommy. Daddy didn't know Butters but he misses you so much and Missy too. Someday we will be together again. Until then just know you are in our hearts forever and ever. We miss you so much!

Love Always,

Mommy

Sweet Butters,

Its been a few months since you left us but you are missed every single second of every single day. You were such a good boy. I still remember the day I brought you and your brother Tweekies home. I was going through a divorce, had just moved to a new home, and my 2 sweet elderly kitties were sick and had to be put down. You and your brother were so little and you both needed a forever home. I decided to bring you home with me the same day I put my 2 girls down. I couldn't bear the thought of going home to an empty house. I remember the 2 of you boys kept me awake all night running around the house. You sounded like a herd of elephants. The next morning I informed you both that your nights would be spent locked in the bathroom so that mommy could sleep. And, I reminded you both, jokingly of course that you were expendable - I could return you at any time. I never had any intention of returning either of you. I loved you from the first time I held you.

I think it was about a month later I was able to bring your mother home too. She was feral and it took me at least a year just to get her to let me pet her. Another year to hold her. And still another year before she stopped running to hide when I walked into a room. Now she's a big love bug but she still loves to go outside. You and your brother are more the homebodies.

I want you to know Butters that I love you so much. The cute and quirky thing you do with your paws when you get a belly rub - your Aunt Vic named it your happy dance. Every time you did your happy dance it put a smile on our faces. It was so sweet the way you would cuddle up to your brother and mama.

I want you to know I am so sorry that I didn't know you were sick until it was too late to help you. I wish you had given me some kind of sign, but you didn't seem sick until I noticed you were losing a lot of weight. By then you were in the final stages of liver failure. My sweet boy. You lost so much weight it was difficult to see you that way. I'm grateful that you chose me to share your life with. I'm glad that in the end I could hold you in my arms so that you were not alone when you passed to the Rainbow Bridge. Your sweet brother really took it hard and he sat and stared at your body for at least 15 minutes. Then he licked your face and went to look out the window. Your mama looked at you only briefly then ran into the other room.

I miss you so very much Butters. Your Aunt Vic misses you too. You were such a good boy. I think what I miss most is waking up and finding Tweekies on my head, Mama next to my head, Missy behind my knees and you laying on top of my stomach or side staring at me with those big green eyes. Then as soon as I was completely awake the kitty & doggy kisses began until I was literally smothered in them! Now you and Missy are both at the Rainbow Bridge. Someday we will be together again. Until then just know that you are always in my heart. I miss you so much and love you forever.

Love Always,

Mommy