Mommy misses you terribly! You were a great companion for 17 years. I was glad to get a chance to say goodbye to you and hold you one last time before they put you to sleep. I wish I could taking that cancerous mess on your jaw away so you wouldn't have had to go to sleep. I know you're in a better place playing in the middle on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge. I think of you all the time.

Hey Sam. These past 5 months since you passed on have been rough. I miss seeing your face every time I come home from work or somewhere else. I miss our walks and our bonding times. You gave me so much joy at home. It still feels so weird that you're not here anymore. I'm grateful to have had you for 16 great years. I made this poem for you. I call it "Special Blog to my Special Dog"

I remember when I first got you

It was love at first sight

Full of energy you were

My feelings you did excite

A beautiful corgi you were

The cardigan breed you display

Rare dog it really is

Hard to find in the USA

Our walks were so much fun

In the rain or shine

Just walking in the breeze

Also with the smell of pine

The dog park was also cool

Seeing you make friends in the sun

You really seemed so happy

The way you barked and run

When I came home from school

Always someone I looked forward to

Tail wagging with excitement

That special someone was you

I even loved taking you to baseball games

Those quite the weekends

The outside filled with excitement

Even showed you to my friends

When I went away to college

I knew you wanted me to stay

You were still in good hands

You were going to be ok

When you barked at night

At times it wasn’t fair

Still one fact really mattered

It was knowing you were still there

Now you cross the rainbow bridge

Our bond will never end

See ya later Sam my dog

Thanks for being my best friend

I don’t know how to comprehend loosing you. You were my best friend. You ARE my best friend. I regret any moment not spent with you. My last moment with you was late at night on September 30. You were laying in bed and I had to get up. You wanted to come with me but I closed my door so you would stay inside my room. I came back exhausted and laid down in bed right next to you and went to sleep not realizing that that would be my last moment with you. October 1 10:43am I heard your name being screamed from mom and dads room. I ran to their room with my mind going to so many different places but you being gone just didn’t seem possible. Seeing you restless on the floor was the most traumatic experience of my life. At first I didn’t believe it. I just stared at you laying there. The pose you were in was a pose you would do regularly but this time it wasn’t really you. I didn’t know what to do. I got down next to you and tried to wake you. I didn’t believe it. I just don’t understand why you were taken. you were the sweetest puppy. you were so young and healthy. you were just the happiest soul and you never knew what it was like to be unhappy. You deserve the world, my little girl. part of me blames myself for this. We adopted you young at a time when I had no friends and I was having many problems in my life. Once my life was finally starting to go better and I started gaining friends it feels like you’re gone because the world thought I didn’t need you anymore. but I do. I promise I do. On your birthday September 29 2023 you turned four years old. I was at the state fair and I never got to say happy birthday. I feel like I failed you. I feel like I should’ve realized something was wrong going back. I don’t remember seeing any symptoms but I can’t help but feel like if I wasn’t so distracted with my life and going out with friends, then I could’ve noticed something. I wish I could’ve saved you. I would take your place any day. You made me the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. You would lick my tears when I was sad and jump up and down with me when I was happy. you understood me the way that nobody else in the world did. I feel like it’s all my fault that my little girl is gone. I miss your yellowish brown eyes and your bright pink tongue with a freckle in the middle. I feel so empty without you. I just hope you’re ok. I hope you Rest in paradise my sweet, innocent puppy. I will never forget you. I love you more than I love myself.

Hey Sam, I know I already wrote you a letter but there's more I wanted to say. It's been 6 months since you've passed on and it doesn't get easier. I miss you so much. Most nights I used to come and talk to you about my day or things that were bugging me. Still every time I look at the back patio, it's like I have to remind myself that you're not here anymore. I feel like no dog can ever replace you. You were very special. I hope you're running very happily up there in heaven. See ya around buddy

We've been through a lot together, haven't we? You were the first new face we welcomed into our apartment after losing our house, and you made the tiny place feel more like a home than anywhere else I've stayed.

Even through my darkest times, when I was deep in depression and couldn't help but wish my life away, you helped keep me grounded. My thoughts always circled back to, "If I die, will Nova think I abandoned him? Will he mourn for me just like I would him?" Seeing how you follow me around the house so close I almost trip over you daily, I think you'd miss me.

I'm looking at you right now, asleep in your hammock, and I know you aren't yourself. The doctors say your body is attacking it's own red blood cells, they told us you might not make it through the night. Well, you did, because we all know how stubborn you are. I slept on the kitchen floor with you because that's where you wanted to lay; you wouldn't let us move you to a bed. That's the last time I'll ever fall asleep with you by my side.

I'm sorry there isn't more we can do. We could get you those blood transfusions, but they would only prolong the inevitable, and you'd suffer because of it. What kind of life would that be, spending half your life at the hospital and still not being able to play and run like you want to?

I wish "I love you" was enough to save you, that it was some magic spell that would shove all the life back into your body so we could have more time, but it isn't. I can cry and wish all I want, but I'm not special, because death is the only experience all living things share. You proved just how alive you are when you jumped up on the shelf and knocked it right down onto my head. That hurt a lot, you know.

I feel like I've known you for longer that you've been alive. Four years doesn't seem like a lot, but you made it feel like a lifetime. In those four years, you changed me. Made me softer. I know when you're gone, when we leave the emergency center without you this evening, nothing's going to feel real. You'll still be with us, they say they have memorial boxes we can carry you in, but it won't be YOU. You aren't just the fur and the bones holding you together, you're the love and mischief and everything else you showed us. I don't want to imagine you without that.

I love you, Nova. You're my little buddy. I know we had some unsavory nicknames for you, and I'm sure you had your fair share of them for us too, but we turned all of those "impolite" words into terms of endearment. You made the boring life of an introverted, anxious highschool student something worthwhile. I'm confident in saying you're the funniest, most adoring cat I'll ever get to meet. Whatever afterlife there is better be kinder to you than our world was, because if it isn't, I'm tearing it all down to make a new one just for us when we meet again.

I brought you home 1/29/14. You had just turned 2 on 12/1 shortly before being rescued from the puppy mill auction on 1/9. I saw you sweet little face and scared little eyes on Petfinder and I knew you had to be mine. My heart was still hurting after losing my first pup on 1/1 but as soon as I saw you, I knew we both had healing to do and we could do it together. You were so afraid at first, those first few days were tough, but quickly you realized I was safe, you could trust me. Over the last ten years, you have given me so much love and joy, more than I ever realized was possible. It wasn’t always easy, but to me you were perfect and I loved you so much. You were my snuggle bunny, my shadow, my daily dose of sass and laughter. We had almost ten years together but it doesn’t feel like enough. When you were diagnosed with heart valve disease 5/22/23, I thought we still had another year or two before I’d have to think about you leaving me. But that time came just four short months later. I think the stress of your rough start in life just wore down your sweet little heart. I hospitalized you twice, to try to get you back to where you were before the sudden change in symptoms. The first time you came home and seemed good as new! We got 6 days together living like nothing was wrong. And I spent as much hours of those 6 days with you as I possibly could. And then it happened again, you couldn’t breathe, your heart was failing yet again, so to the hospital you went a second time to try to get you back to where you were, with med adjustments to hopefully get more than just 6 more good days together. But when I brought you home the second time, it wasn’t the same as the first time. You were still struggling. We didn’t get any more good days. I gave us four more days together, waiting to see if you would improve, but you didn’t. I could tell you were struggling so hard and you looked so scared when you couldn’t get enough air. You had a cardiology scheduled just 3 days later. I desperately wanted to get you to that appointment on Friday. Maybe they could do something, come up with a new treatment plan to help you live comfortably a little while longer. But on Tuesday night, you were struggling so hard. My tears were flowing when I kissed your little head and I said okay, okay, I promise, I’ll make it stop. And I called the emergency hospital and said I think it’s time. She’s suffering. They agreed and shortly thereafter, I watched you drift off to sleep and I said goodbye as I kissed your head and felt your soft fur for the last time. I hope I did the right thing for you Mabel. I second guess everything now. Should I have tried harder? Should I have hospitalized you again to get you to that cardiology appointment? Could we have had more time together? Did I pull the plug too soon? I will never know the answers to those questions. All I knew was that I couldn’t bear to see you struggle one more day. I’m so sorry Mabel. I will love and miss you forever.

Your loss has rocked my world. My brain knows I made the right choice. You were tired and in pain. You were ready. And I’ll never be.

I spent your whole life loving you more than anything

I’ll spend the rest of mine missing you.

I will keep trying to heal and I promise to take care of your brother and sisters.

I will miss you and your green eyes you were and always be the most wonderful cat we ever had. I will always remember all the good times we had when you came to my bed one night kept on pawing me to open the door for you so you could pee. I will always treasure the special moments we had together. I’ll never forget the times we had when you let me hold you and care for you. Please always know I am sorry that you had to die alone. I sorry that no one was there to comfort you in the moments that you really needed the most I am so sorry that you had to suffer with all the pain that you had to deal with I will never forget that perfect bathroom picture you were in I deeply will miss you. And most of all your brother will miss you. Panda please don't forget us please. I will miss you a lot. I will always cherish you sitting by baby Jesus. you will not be forgotten by this family we all miss you and love you.

My dear sweet boy, I remember the first time I saw you, you were so scared of the other people and the cats in your room. You swatted at me the first time I tried to touch you. I knew then that you were like me. Scared and afraid of what's to come. We picked you and your brother. When we got you home you flew under my bed too scared to come out. But then -after some time- let me love on you and care for you. You became my bestfriend when I lost mine, listened to me sing when nobody else wanted to, and even slept in my bed when I was afraid of thunderstorms. I remember the first time you spent the first christmas I had at my new home with me and my Foster mom. You were so excited to get your favorite treats, and a little less excited to have a little blue hat on your head. Oh, my sweet old boy I love you so much. You were my greatest happiness in sad times. And my greatest sadness in happy times. I think everytime I become happy "why? Why should I be happy?" The answer is simple. You wouldn't want me to be sad. Your beautiful gold eyes always lit up when I smiled or entered your room. I'm so sorry I didn't see you the day before you left. They wouldn't let me. I'm so sorry you had to die alone. But you are never alone now. You were once mine but now you are once again God's. I will always miss you my sweet baby.



My little baby, thank you for coming into our lives. No matter how small the animal is Love is still love.

And the feelings we had for you were genuine.

Thank you

We wish you could have been here longer. We love you so deeply. I hope that we made your life Better.our hearts will hurt for you Always.

You're just the cutest sweetest little thing. And we're gonna miss having you around. To others you were just a Hamster but to us You were part of our family.

I wish we could have loved you longer. I know where ever you're at, you're roaming free.

And hope you will be waiting for us wherever you may be.

Please don't forge that, we love you so so so much. We love you Rocky and we miss you❤️‍🩹

9/5/23

I am sorry I didn’t know you had FeLV until it was too late. You are such a pretty kitty, in fact the most special animal I’ve ever had in my entire life.

You were so full of love, never bit anyone, except the lady who was force feeding you when we didn’t know what was wrong.

You were so full of life up until a week ago. You deserved so much better, yet even while I yelled “I don’t want you to die girl” non stop sobbing my eyes out you were drunk kitty walking to show me your strength and you were laying on me pushing your paws on my face to get my attention away from the fucking sadness.

I know you missed salem girl, I put you to rest with him outback where your brush I brushed you with until they put you down is buried so you can feel like a pretty kitty one more time. I hate the fucking world right now, I needed you still Thumbalina and you didn’t deserve to die like that.

Thank you for showing me what true strength is. Even with a hermacrit of 6, you were a walking fucking miracle. Especially because you held on for one more selfish night for me.

Rest easy pretty kitty. I don’t believe in the afterlife or religion much, if at all. But if there is an afterlife please be there to greet me on the other end of the kitty rainbow before they send me to burn in hell alone.

it hasn't even been a week since you left.  cancer was eating away at you and we had to stop the pain somehow – you couldn't get up to greet us, you couldn't walk, you couldn't play.  seeing you like that has broken my heart.  letting you go wasn't nearly as hard as watching how the disease took your life away so quickly.

your daddy is devastated.  i am heartbroken and hurting.  you meant so much to us.... we were a big pet family but you were the core.  without you, everything has shifted, everything is unrecognizable.  the coming weeks and months, we just have to get used to this new life without you in it – and it all seems hollow and sad.

you were kind, patient, calm, gentle, sensitive – and silly, playful, goofy, a grinning fool, romping through snow like a puppy, even with your bad hips.  i love dogs and i've known many but you were a milestone.  there will always be a "before" and "after" for our time together.

i cry still, but i don't want to.  i want to forget the cancer and the last few weeks when we struggled to keep you comfortable.  i want to remember the other eleven-and-a-half years that were the best in our lives.  your daddy and i took you on road trips, bought a house, got married, adopted other dogs to keep you company, we built a humble little life with you.  navy, you were so loved.

if there is a dog heaven, i know what you're doing.  
you're collecting toys and sticks, you're off-leash and romping hard, you're throwing your weight into my lap with a heavy sigh, you're staying up until 2 a.m. at one of our dinner parties, you're waiting outside the dollarstore for me to bring out a stuffy toy for you, you're pulling my glove off my hand so you could carry it home for me, you're grinning at me from across the room, you're asleep with your tongue out, you're falling behind on our hikes, you're looking at me when i'm babbling to you, eyebrows furrowed, wanting desperately to understand.  i was only ever saying i love you.

and you're sitting at the door, waiting to see us again.

You started limping on a Saturday morning in January. The night before, you romped with your brother and sister and tried, like you always did, to dig a hole in the ice.  Then just you and I went out to meet mommy at the bus stop and you were a puppy again in how excited you were to see her.  You were wearing the doggy shirt your mommy got you for Christmas with that silly picture of me on it, and I was wearing the silly shirt mommy got for me two years ago with your smiling face on it. Off Leash and Rompin' Hard it says.

I remember the day your mommy got you for me. Mommy had asked me to come over after work and I thought you were an inquisitive cat from a distance.  When I realized saw you weren't a cat, and instead the best dog ever, I thought 'that's awesome, Nina got a puppy.' When she told me you were for me, I dropped to my knees and gave you the biggest kiss and I never stopped smiling for the rest of your life.

We spent a special year together in that apartment near Maple Leaf Gardens, just you and me. We watched Star Trek together all the time. You destroyed that ugly blue couch — I remember coming home from work and the parquet floor all over our place was obscured by polyester fluff, like you evenly distributed it all. You looked at me like, 'what? you were gone.' I remember those days waking up to you gnawing on my hand-made side tables in bed — you always slept at the head of the bed. I loved every second.

Soon enough mommy and Calvin were around a lot more and then we all moved in together in that apartment on Cosburn. You had to move to the bottom of the bed, I'm not sure if you ever forgave mommy for that. Every party we had always ended the same, with a few drunk people congregated around you, wide awake and getting pets. You always stayed with us to the end, even when you cut your paw while we walked to the wine store and it wouldn't stop bleeding. Emma picked you up half-way through the party when the VEC said you could come home and even though you were dazed on the drugs, you still stayed up with us, never wanting it to end.

And you had so many friends. Emma and my dad were particular favourites: You howled in grief when my dad didn't spend adequate time here during visits and you whined with glee whenever Emma came over.  We've said goodbye to many doggy friends, too: Chelsea, Buster, Rizla and Hunter all left us too early. Even your dog-park friends: Nigel who kept giving you Giardia over and over again and Trapper who taught you how to be noble. No one compared to Calvin though, he taught you everything about loyalty. After he left and didn't come back you slept in his bed for a week.

You stuck with us through your annoying new siblings Sailor and Sophie. At our wedding you gave mommy and I a look that said 'there are too many people here!' We'll never forget that, it proved you were a discerning dog. And you protected your baby cousin Lucy from the crowds all night.

You were strong, too.  After your tummy surgery, I visited you every day and cried with an indescribable happiness when you finally started eating again. You stayed with us for two more years after that and we cherished every second.

Then, cancer.  Your limp only got worse and the news hit us like a truck. I didn't sleep that night and had a job interview the next morning. I credit you with getting me through it because I wasn't nervous: You were all that mattered. A few weeks later, you stopped eating anything but steak and you whined when you couldn't get up. You were sad and hurting and we didn't want you to be sad any more. On March 6, we watched Star Trek together and ate steak. On March 7 your big heart beat its last time and we wailed in agony as if something was being torn from our bodies.  But, later we started looking over all our old photos and we saw how happy you were for those 4155 days.  

We will miss you, Navy, always and forever.

Sexydexy, you were the best dog I have ever had. From the moment I looked in your perfect, sweet face, I was in love. I am so sorry that your life ended so suddenly and that you were so young. Two years of physical therapy and acupuncture for a muscle tear and you died in pain from a ruptured tumor your routine blood tests couldn’t even detect.  It makes my heart hurt. 
I think about you every day, and I have cried every single day for a month and a half.  Celebrating Christmas and the New Year without you has been incredibly difficult, and I cannot believe I will never hold your furry little face in my hands, and nibble your big nose ever again. 
I am so sad without you in my life. You taught me so much - how to care for another life, responsibility, and what unconditional love feels like.  Because of you I finally feel like I am ready to be a mom, and I can’t believe you won’t be here with us when we raise our children. I thought I had so much more time with you - seven years was simply not enough. 
Mollie misses you too - you were a great big brother to her and such a great influence for a young rescue dog. Your dad never had a dog before you (but we were a package deal!) and I never saw him cry until the day you left us.  An ex-boyfriend of my sister’s even reached out to tell me how great of a dog you were, and that you understood human emotions more than any other dog he ever met. He says you made him want a Wheaten Terrier someday.  I hope you know your whole family - your grandparents and all of my siblings - were with you when you left. I never let go of your little paw. 
Your nose and paw prints are on our wall, and your #normansgang dog tag #288 is in a shadow box by your ashes. 
I love you so much, I miss you more than I can ever say, and I wish you were still here with me. I hope you are running wild and free over the rainbow bridge and that I’ll get to hold you again one day, my baby man, baby dog, and best friend. 

I miss you girl. Never got a chance to say goodbye, or properly grieve when I was younger. When mom came home with her tail between her legs that evening I knew something shapely wrong had been committed. She claims you got loose and ran ahead like you playfully did all the time but remained tentative and disciplined, when demanded or asked of. She claimed you were dognapped and she tried looking for you all over the place, which where was the immediate scene of your disappearance. As soon as she turned the corner to anticipate your adorable self, you vanished with no trace, or witnesses saying anything about information that may or may not have lead to our rescue and returned of you. By then when I was made aware, I had quickly surveyed the neighbouring buildings and asked the local tenants, and neighbourly elderly that are always about having there presence known that, where they are currently congregating is their neighbour "bench". WHICH THEY, believe it or not  are the eyes, ears, and gossip  of the hood. There is no reason why they would lie unless they are suspects and guilty. 

I missed you all these years and have had my heart broken. I have anxiety and depression when I think of replacing my sidekick, roll dog, princess, and badass bitch.

never will I stop appreciating and cherishing our times and memories spent alongside together.

miss you, 


B. HA, I. 

It has been 19 days since you fell asleep for the last time. I can't help but regret some things. I worry I didn't hold you enough those last few days. I'm sad that I wasn't holding you when you passed like I was supposed to. You went to sleep on the floor by yourself, while I watched TV. I only put you down for maybe 20 minutes. I miss your cuddles so much. 


I cry less now than I did before, but that doesn't mean I miss you any less. I'm glad that you're not in pain any longer, but it's just so cruel that you were only able to live 10 months. 10 months of illness and pain. I try to remember that you had good times too. Wagon rides, lots of treats, 100s of toys, and soo many cuddles. But it just wasn't enough. 


I love you Baby Zeus. You'll forever be my sweet baby boy.


It's been so many, many years now since I lost the two of you. I think of you both often as you were my first very own cats. You saw me through many good times and bad. Divorce, death of my mom, my grandparents, my uncle and many others... You got me through the ups and downs of my marriage, an abusive husband, moving to a new home twice in less than a year, and so many other things. Buttons you were my little ham - pretty girl who loved to play fetch with paper and money, waved your pretty tail on command, and loved to let me dress you up in clothes. My sweet girl you had asthma so bad and a hernia that you were born with which made your asthma worse. You almost died on us one time when you had a tooth pulled and nearly bled to dearth because of the asthma medication preventing your blood from clotting. But luckily you survived and lived another 5 or 6 years. Eddie you were the curious one and the one who loved to play with bottle caps and milk rings. You were a happy kitty and when you purred ity sounded as though someone had started up a Harley. I got the two of you as kittens in front of K-Mart. Someone was giving you away so I referred to you as my blue light special. You came into this world together so after 19 long years together I felt it best to have you pass to the Rainbow Bridge together. Both of you were quite sickly so I thought it was best to let you go. I was still in the middle of my divorce so it was really hard to let you both go. I will always love you though. Someday we will be together again but until then know that I love and miss you both so much. And I am forever grateful that you came into my life. 

My sweet, sweet Missy Moo. I miss you so much! It's been 2 months now since you left us. It seems like just yesterday though. I see you and feel your presence everywhere. Everything reminds me of you. I love you so much. Tomorrow would have been your 11th birthday so I just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday and tell you how very much I love you and miss you. 

My sweet boy! You are missed so very much. It's been almost a year now since you crossed to the Rainbow Bridge. Since then you have now been joined by your beautiful Mama Kitty and by our sweet little Missy. Please tell them mommy sends them Meows and Barks! I just wanted to wish you a Happy 12th Birthday! Your brother Tweekies is still here with me and I know that as he turns 12 he is missing you too. You are forever loved and missed my sweet boy but someday we will be together again. I love you so much! 

I posted this letter before but forgot the photo so here it is again. 

It's been about 2 weeks since you left us. My sweet, sweet girl I wish I had been able to help you. I wish you would have somehow let us know you needed our help, that you were sick.You survived cancer a year before only to leave us now 

I will never forget the first day I brought you home. You were such a brave girl. You were so young and had a litter of kittens under a man's porch. One day he came home to hear you hissing and growling and when he went outside he found you on top of a raccoon's back trying to make it drop one of your babies. He shot and killed the raccoon and rushed the baby to the vet hospital. They did many surgeries on him and miraculously he survived. He had special needs so a friend who worked at the vet's office adopted him. The man then went and caught you (you were feral and wanted nothing to do with people) and got the 2 remaining kittens, both boys. My 2 elderly kitties had just gone to the rainbow bridge so I adopted the 2 boys right away. Their names were Butters & Tweeks after the cartoon South Park. About a month later I was able to bring you home. You promptly let me know how you felt about that by peeing on my bed and then hiding. I didn't mind though. I knew you were scared and that eventually you would warm up to me. It took a while but finally you did. I hope you know how very grateful I am to you for sharing your babies with me. I wanted some of my own so badly and it just wasn't meant to be. But you shared your boys with me and I will love you forever for that.

You were probably the sweetest kitty I have ever had but at the same time you were tough. You stood guard for your family whenever a raccoon would be lurking in the back yard. I think my favorite memory of you is how you would give your kisses. You would wait until your "victim" was laying down. Then you would jump up on the bed, give a rub of your face and then throw your entire body into a full on body slam. Sometimes so hard that you would fall over doing it. That was your way of saying "I love you" and "PET ME NOW!!!"

Besides you 3 kitties, we also had a beautiful little Chihuahua, Missy living with us. Missy was very protective of you kitties even though the two of you at times pretended not to like each other. I think it was a game you played because as you both got older, you both became more tolerant of each other.

In August 2017 Butters became very sick with liver failure. He passed to the Rainbow Bridge and while we all took it really hard I think you took it the hardest. You withdrew to one of the spare bedrooms and rarely would come out. Then Mommy got a new boyfriend and he began to pay a lot of attention to you and gave you lots of loves and pets even when you didn't seem to want them. Then one day you started venturing out of the room and spending time with us. You became really attached to him and even started giving him your body slams. You would even come to him when he called for you.

When you got sick we rushed you to the vet hospital but unfortunately it was too late. Our sweet girl was not going to make it. I think that maybe you decided you wanted to go be with Butters. It was hard on us because our beloved Missy had died just a month before. Tweekies misses all 3 of you. So does mommy. Daddy didn't know Butters but he misses you so much and Missy too. Someday we will be together again. Until then just know you are in our hearts forever and ever. We miss you so much!

Its been a few months since you left us but you are missed every single second of every single day. You were such a good boy. I still remember the day I brought you and your brother Tweekies home. I was going through a divorce, had just moved to a new home, and my 2 sweet elderly kitties were sick and had to be put down. You and your brother were so little and you both needed a forever home. I decided to bring you home with me the same day I put my 2 girls down. I couldn't bear the thought of going home to an empty house. I remember the 2 of you boys kept me awake all night running around the house. You sounded like a herd of elephants. The next morning I informed you both that your nights would be spent locked in the bathroom so that mommy could sleep. And, I reminded you both, jokingly of course that you were expendable - I could return you at any time. I never had any intention of returning either of you. I loved you from the first time I held you. 
I think it was about a month later I was able to bring your mother home too. She was feral and it took me at least a year just to get her to let me pet her. Another year to hold her. And still another year before she stopped running to hide when I walked into a room. Now she's a big love bug but she still loves to go outside. You and your brother are more the homebodies. 
I want you to know Butters that I love you so much. The cute and quirky thing you do with your paws when you get a belly rub - your Aunt Vic named it your happy dance. Every time you did your happy dance it put a smile on our faces. It was so sweet the way you would cuddle up to your brother and mama. 
I want you to know I am so sorry that I didn't know you were sick until it was too late to help you. I wish you had given me some kind of sign, but you didn't seem sick until I noticed you were losing a lot of weight. By then you were in the final stages of liver failure. My sweet boy. You lost so much weight it was difficult to see you that way. I'm grateful that you chose me to share your life with. I'm glad that in the end I could hold you in my arms so that you were not alone when you passed to the Rainbow Bridge. Your sweet brother really took it hard and he sat and stared at your body for at least 15 minutes. Then he licked your face and went to look out the window. Your mama looked at you only briefly then ran into the other room. 
I miss you so very much Butters. Your Aunt Vic misses you too. You were such a good boy. I think what I miss most is waking up and finding Tweekies on my head, Mama next to my head, Missy behind my knees and you laying on top of my stomach or side staring at me with those big green eyes. Then as soon as I was completely awake the kitty & doggy kisses began until I was literally smothered in them! Now you and Missy are both at the Rainbow Bridge. Someday we will be together again. Until then just know that you are always in my heart. I miss you so much and love you forever. 

I want you to know how VERY VERY much mommy misses you! I love you SOOOO much! I hope you know that. Everyone misses you. The kitties, especially Tweekies are so sad. Aunt Vic & Jill miss you. Daddy misses you. Pretty much everyone who has ever met you misses that sweet face of yours. 

Some of my favorite memories of you are seeing you play with your best friend (a cat!) Riley. You two were inseparable until she moved away. Remember how you were so protective of your own kitties? Any time Jill or any other doggy tried to chase them you always jumped to get in between them and growled at the doggy to scare them away. You were such a good girl! Putting your tiny little life jacket on and watching you doggy paddle around the pool is probably my favorite memory of you. That, and watching how excited you would get whenever you got to go places with me. 

Those last days with you at the park and just cuddling in bed will always be special to me just like you.
I hope you can forgive me for all the times I promised to take you to the park and got too busy and for all the mistakes I made over the years taking care of you. I have never had a doggy before you so I was learning and making all my mistakes with you. 

I hope you also understand that all the poking with the needles and all the tests - they were all because we were trying to find out what was making you so sick so that maybe we could get you better and you could have stayed here with us. But unfortunately it didn't work out that way. I wish so much that it had but I guess Jordan really needed you there with him. I know he always wanted a sweet dog and the only person that loves you as much as I do is probably Jordan. I know he will take good care of you and someday we will all be together at the Rainbow Bridge. 

So until that happens, please just be happy and roll in the grass, chase after butterflies, give Jordan all the sweet doggy kisses he can handle and know that everyone misses you - mommy most of all. Please give Butters some doggy kisses for mommy and let him know how much mommy misses his purrs and kitty kisses. 

Please be a good girl for Jordan. I know you will. And don't ever forget that you will ALWAYS be my sweet, special girl and ALWAYS have a place in my heart. Until we can be together again, know that I love you and any time you miss me just think of me and you will know I'm thinking of you too. I love and miss you sweet girl! 




Dear Benny:

I remember the day I brought you home from the shelter.  After that lady returned you because you wanted to sit on her lap.  You didn't like to be alone.  But who could blame you, four different homes that we knew about.  It took some time but slowly your separation anxiety got better, but it was always there. I wasn't about to pass you around like all the other's.  Who better to adopt you then the Shelter Manager.  

Remember, all our wonderful walks together.  We walked a lot.  You would sleep with Mommy every night.  

You never , ever, once growled or try to bite anyone.  You were the sweetest thing ever.  You loved everyone.  Just wanted to be with your people!  

People tell me you were much LOVED by me. 
People tell me I did the right thing.
People tell me everything dies. 

I MISS you little buddy! 

You were never, ever, a bother to me.  We were together for over 14 yrs.  I never gave up on you and I will always LOVE you!   

And Benny...don't forget to say hi to Raja and Kitty Cat....oh and Radar.  





<written from my dog's perspective>

I'm tired. I have been for a while now. I'm probably around 12 1/2 years old and the last year has been different from what I'm used to. I wish my back legs would work like they should. I like the harness, but I'm sick of having it on 24-7 if I'm going to be honest. And those blasted head twitches and jolts that make me zone out? Ya, I'm over it. My parents have tried everything, but the thing is, I was never officially diagnosed with anything so they never knew what was going on.

Today especially, I'm tired. It's not because my dad took me on a slow walk so I could pee on my favourite spots. It's a different tired. It's hard for me to move from spot to spot and that's what I do because I can't get comfortable and relax anymore. My parents even have a blanket under the tree I used to dig around, but we've been laying there while I sleep instead of dig. They've been talking a lot on the blanket - for days. And they cry for a bit too. I've known things have been different for a while. 

Today, I finally settled on my mat in the front room. I just got comfortable when Faith walked in. I had met her before. First was when she helped my Berner BFF, Zoe, to cross some bridge. She was nice and gentle; I remember that. Then a few months ago she stopped in just to see me. I like her. She understood me from the first time we met. The funny thing is as a rescue, I was rough around the edges so my mom named me 'Grace' because I needed some. And now here's 'Faith' because we ALL need some.

I didn't really move when she came in the room but I didn't have to because she came right over to me and rubbed my head. She was calm and had a good energy. It felt good. She went to set something up then jackpot! My parents came into the room with a burger and a pint of ice cream. Just. For. Me. For real. They came down on the floor with me and fed me a piece of burger then I had a few licks of ice cream. Then burger. Then ice cream. Faith came back into the room and I got super tired and literally fell asleep with my tongue licking the ice cream. It was awesome. Then I slept. A type of sleep my parents had wished for me for the past while. A great deep sleep but I could still hear my parents. My dad was sad. More than I've ever heard him but he was saying super nice things to me. I'll always remember. Then my mom put her eye on my eye, which is something she always did and said some stuff to me that she always said to me at bedtime. I'll take that with me where ever I go.

Then I don't really remember what happened. My body went but my mind stayed. Weird. But that's all I need to be near my parents. I can still hear them and see them in my mind. When they talk to me, I talk back.

But guess what? I'm not tired anymore! I'm running around, neck-wrestling with Zoe and peeing on all sorts of things. I missed this.

Whatever my parents and Faith did sure did work. I feel like myself and that is happy.


I said goodbye to Mercury today. 

You were a few months shy of nineteen. I have been so blessed to share so many wonderful years and adventures together, every day loving each other more than the day before. We were inseparable for nearly two decades, bonded soul to soul. Your life was long and happy and filled with love. We didn’t waste a single second of our life together.  As heart breaking as it is to not be able to hold you in my arms, I'll hold you in my heart and talk to you every day in my prayers till we're together again. You'll never be alone.

As you cross to the next adventure your eyes will be clear and see for miles, you’ll be strong and run like the wind again. The sky is always blue and the sunshine warm and bright on fields of flowers. Your sister Stella will be waiting, wagging and barking to see you. Grandma will greet you with a big smile and take you in her arms and spoil you again. And, in what seems like a just a minute to you, but a painfully long time for me, you’ll look back over the rainbow bridge and see me smiling and waving, coming home to all of you. This isn’t our end; it is the beginning of our next adventure.

You taught me to see the wonder in life and the beauty in nature. You were my heart and my soul, my teacher and my muse, my friend and companion. You showed me the importance of a kind soul and a generous heart. Thank you for the lessons. Thank you for your love and devotion, thank you for the laughter, you filled my life with meaning, you filled my life with joy. Thank you for teaching  me to love so pure.

In the end I held you in my arms as you drifted off to the gentle caress and soothing voice of the person you loved with all your heart and who loved you with all of his. Tenderly passed from my loving arms to the wings of angels.

It's hard coming up on the holiday season. I see the treats I always bought you in Bulk Barn and I know how much you loved this time. You got more treats and more pets than usual over Christmas and I'm sorry last Christmas was your last and none of us knew. Everyone calls their dog a good boy, but you were THE good boy. The best boy. You were just... amazing. I don't know if I believe in reincarnation or souls. But if I do, or if it's real, I hope you come back in some form to this world, because you were such a pure, vibrant being and I hope someone else can experience that. I'm glad I was with you until the end. I'm glad it was just you and me. You were and always will be my best friend. I'm sorry you couldn't be the ring bearer at my wedding like we wanted, but I know I made the right decision for you and I hope you understand that too. I love you old man.

Every day I am reminded of your unconditional love that touched so many lives for so many years.

Without warning, illness attacked you virulently. Our veterinary team worked hard to turn this specter of death away, and I had only one wish.That you would not suffer. That our love would extinguish the flames of a cancer that gave no rhyme or reason.  

As I held you close and your last sentient breath filled the room, and your warm body became heavy and still, I knew that you were finally free. No more pain, no more suffering. 

Your gentle nature never failed to keep the focus on the only thing that ever matters — love. And this is forever.

My dearest, sweetest angel. This is the first day after our formal grieving period of 49 days, and I want so much to be better, to be more at peace. To be able to write the perfect letter that captures all the blessings bundled up in you. And last week, I began to feel the grief softening just a little, just enough to make it bearable; this, I told a friend who was kind enough to check in with me to see how I was doing. I have been through this kind of loss twice before, when your brothers have had to move on. I know it does, in fact, get easier to carry on; that the waves of sadness still come, but there is more room to breathe between them. But, it seems, I still have such a long way to go until I get there. However, I didn’t want to put off writing to you because I know, no matter how long I wait, I would never be able to put into words everything I wanted to; and I know writing today is going to be an integral part of the process in strengthening my sense of connection to you under these new circumstances.

Yesterday, for your Day 49 – the Buddhists’ notion of how long a spirit may take to navigate the Between – I wanted to honor your journey, as I did for your brothers at the end of seven weeks’ time. The usual toast with a bit of bubbly was a given. Lighting a candle at the cathedral. But I had the idea to ask your Dad if I could go up in the airplane with him (and his instructor) for his flying lesson. This way, I thought, I wouldn’t have to wait until I got my wings to fly with you. Your dad had his own idea about you as a future co-pilot, so I knew this would resonate with him as well in his own way.

Your wings. Remember how I called you our Angel-in-Residence? How I said all your peanut butter-colored freckles marked the kisses of your angel-friends when they huddled around you to say goodbye for a while, right before you left heaven to become part of our family? How almost every day without fail I thanked you for giving up your wings another day to be with us? How I would stroke your “wing spots” as part of our daily meditation together? And marvel aloud at the iridescence in your white fur: so sure I was that this mirrored the shimmer of colors in your dazzling white wings hanging in heaven’s closet and waiting for your return? How I assured you Pushkin and Otis would dust off your wings when the time came for you, and would meet you with them right away when it came time for you to go back? And how, when your legs were crumpling on you in the last month or so, I’d told a neighbor you’d be OK because, in heaven, you had the most beautiful, strong wings. I’d told her – borrowing Grandpa’s term – in heaven, you are a “fast flyer.”

So, I believe you’ve been soaring since Day 1, as soon as your brothers showed up for you. No need for any time spent in some bardo… not for you, already an angel. I believe that the three of you are together again. That you are getting to know Pushkin now, who is healthy and youthful, just as you are again. You are once again right at brother Otis’s side. And that both of them are so proud of you -- their baby brother, all grown up: just like the day all three of you were together for your “debut” at the dog park in Tucson. I can still so clearly see the three of you there, and I believe it’s a lot like that in heaven now; and somehow, in your heaven, I’m standing nearby just as I was on that day. I believe all of this, admittedly, because I have to… I need to. But that’s OK. 

In addition to the daily reflections and meditation practices you and I have been practicing together for years, I’m nearing the end of an extra 33-day series of reflections that came my way pretty much right after your time came. A bit of miracle that yesterday’s theme – on your special day -- was “knowing”: the difference between believing and knowing something. Each morning when I lay my hand on you while we breathed together I would say, “Do you think I love you or know it? Because you have to know it! Long after your brain is gone and it can’t think anymore, you have to still know it.” And so here we are still practicing this ongoing sense of connection. Someday, my spirit also will be free of its body; I too must know – must trust – that our connection is forever. Which is why your special song – the one that, whenever you hear me singing it, you know I am singing solely to you -- is “Our Love Is Here To Stay.” Oh yes it is. Know it.

Now that 49 days have passed, I know there needs to be a subtle shift in how I’m approaching the day. I am feeling the weight of having to move forward. I’m still here. I’m trying, Galileo. Today’s extra reflection was about “oneness” and letting the heart open in order to more fully experience our connection with someone. I always have called you my heart-chakra canine kid, so again the timeliness of today’s focus is a bit of a miracle. (Yes, I will continue to be someone who looks for miracles in my day, for signs that you and your brothers are with me and that you remember we are a family, no matter how much time passes.) Inspired in part by today’s practice, I want to promise you that I will work hard to clear distractions, to quiet the mental chatter, to reduce external chaos -- specifically so that it will be easier for us both to feel each other’s energy and love. The importance of being present: one of the lessons you and your brothers have taught me and continue to teach me even now. And the joy that can come with it. 

Each morning while you were with us (eleven years, three months, five days), I thanked you and God for another day with you. Another day, another gift. That is still true, even if we now have to spend our time together a little differently. I will try not to lose sight of this truth as I continue getting used to how our relationship must now evolve. You are a gift – then, now, always. Joy. My precious angel: fly happy, fly free! And look over your shoulder: see me right there with you. That is my prayer. Lokah samastah sukhino bhavantu. Om shanti, shanti, shanti. 



I cannot begin to put into words the devastating loss I feel after having to make the decision to let you go.  The words the doctor whispered, "she's gone mom" haunt me each and every day.  I know that you needed to fly from your little broken body and move to a place where you could chase baby bunnies until your heart's content.  Your departure was so unexpected and too soon.  With time, I pray the hole in my heart and soul will be replaced with the joy we shared.  I miss you my Pepper-oni, my Schnoodle-doodle.   

I'm so sorry that in a few short hours, you will take your last breath. You were such an amazing companion to my sister. You protected her and fought off the two dogs that attacked you both while out on a walk, you were there for her when most of her belongings were stolen, you moved with her all the way to nowhere Kentucky and you simply loved her with everything you had. You put up a good fight for the last year between having part of your jaw removed and chemo, and despite the health issues you were always happy and adapted like a champ. It hardly seemed fair when you started to limp a couple weeks ago and they said the cancer had gotten into your hip. We were told a removal of the leg would cure you, but then discovered the cancer had spread to your lymph nodes. I wish I could take it away buddy and you'd be here for a few more years like you should have been. I'm so sorry but unfortunately, I can't. When we open our homes and our hearts to a pet, we promise to love you and care for you but just as important, we promise to know when it is time to let go and not put you at risk for more pain or suffering. While you were in good spirits yesterday, keeping you here longer only puts you at risk of breaking your hip and being in immense pain. I'm glad I could spend some time with you and say goodbye. Tomorrow, your mom keeps her promise to you and upholds her part of the bargain because she loves you so much. You mom will be incredibly sad but I promise Alex, Grandma, Grandpa, Sophie, Katie and I will watch out for her and we will all think of the good times with you. Tomorrow, you will get to see Abby again and meet Maggie, Ace and Max. Tell them all we miss them and love them still. You have been such a good boy, we will all miss you terribly but now you can go softly into that gentle sleep, you deserve to rest now. You gave everything you had. Thank you for all the love, affection and joy you gave to all of us. 

A place of comfort and healing

Jerri to Patches

Ryan to Sam

Sarah to Willow

Ryan to Sam

Best Friend to Nova

Rachel to Mabel

Dad to Mesmer

Jacque to Panda

Mama Angel to Panda

Ashley to Rocky

JJ to Thumbalina

mommy to Navy

Daddy to Navy

Mommy to Dexter

B. HA, I. to MIJI

Momma to Zeus

Mommy to Buttons & Eddie

Mommy to Missy

Mommy to Butters

Mommy to Mama Kitty

Mommy to Butters

Mommy to Missy

Mary to Benny

Grace to Humans

Your Dad, Wayne to Mercury

Sam to Toby

Vineca to Tia

Mom to Galileo

Mom - Denise Belcevic to Pepper

Uncle James to Argos