This letter from Your Mom to Sarah (Angel-bear) was written on Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Dear Sarah (Angel-bear),

Oh, my Angel. To say I love you isn't saying enough. You were my miracle. I didn't deserve you. I never have. Watching you fade with each day takes a little of me too. Knowing you're staying because I can't let go shows me how your love is boundless. You were never the one who left, I was the one who left - on vacations, for school. You were ALWAYS there, waiting, hoping. And now watching you struggle to stay with me . . .

I will love you always. I knew you were my dog from the day you were born. Just your beating the odds to live proved that. And when your mother rejected you, I loved you and bottle-fed you. Now you're 13 1/2 years older and still see you as I always have. There are no more eye droppers of milk but IV bags of fluid.

I'm sorry for every time I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry for every time I left you, for the day, a week, a month, more. We will never have those days again. I'm sorry I took them from us. They were important and see that now when there are so few left.

I'm scared of the world without you in it. I'm scared of the pain of saying good-bye. I'm scared of the emptiness that you fill. I'm scared because you were the one who licked my tears and warmed my lap. I will need you when you go and you won't be there.

I love you and thank you for sharing my life. You have no idea what you meant to it, how you added, completed it. I love you, love you, love you, love you. I will see you again when you jump into my arms once more at Heaven's gate. Until then know that I will miss holding you, petting you, playing tug with you, feeding you, brushing you, seeing you. I will miss all those thousands of details that constituted our life together. And somehow knowing you'll be with me in spirit just isn't the same, isn't enough.

I will treasure our last few days together and make sure I'm always there by your side, a pale imitation of what you have done for me for over a decade. I promise to spare all pain that I can. To give all the company and care you need. I promise that I won't hold onto you when the pain is greater than your heart can stand.

I love you. I'm sorry. Thank you.


Your Mom