Today marks 1 year without you here to curl up in my lap. I wanted to do this much sooner than now, but the truth is, I'm still coping with not having you here. I'm just now able to say your name and look at pictures of you. I still cry. I teared up at work today because of what happened last year on this day. I still remember it like it was yesterday. I feel horrible because you passed on a Tuesday and I adopted your sister the following Saturday. I didn't do it to replace you because you will never be replaced. I did it because I needed help getting through the minutes. She helped, but my heart had to heal a little bit more. She's beautiful, Sugar - I know you wouldn't like her, but she's taking care of me. Her name is Abi. So is Flax. I know you don't like him because you met him. Boy, that was fun (not!) But he's taking care of me too and I know you would like him for that. Going from a sweet 16 year old girl like you to two babies at the same time was sure a challenge! But it kept me busy, which is what I needed.
Your daddy and I are getting married next year! We finally set a date :-) Don't worry, my daddy stayed with me a little longer after you were gone. He took you back home with him so you live at your old stomping grounds again. We protected your grave and you have a beautiful marker right above you. You're right next to Trixie and I know you two are running around together again. You in the front, and Trixie right on your heels, chasing you and trying to bite your butt (literally). Geez, I'm sobbing like a huge baby right now. I know one day I'll be able to think about you and smile without crying. One day, I'll be able to display more pictures of you. I kept the shirt that I was wearing as I held you that day - is that weird? I just can't let it go or wash it yet.
I miss you. I miss the small things that you would do. Sometimes, I'll be cuddling with Flax and Abi and I'll be petting them, then I'll catch myself petting their feet, but I'll immediately stop. Then I remember that you're the one who didn't like that - not them. You absolutely hated your back feet being touched. Other times, Flax might be standing over me, and I'll wait for him to start licking my forehead...but he doesn't do that. You did. I miss that too. They aren't good nighttime spooners like you were. I miss spooning with you, Sugar! ....and they have ruined my furniture. They claw it. I'm up to four scratching posts and a HUGE cat tree...and they still prefer the couch and chair. Go figure. You never did that. They have ruined the blinds that cover the back doors and Flax likes to chew my shoes. Abi likes to chew the sideof the door frame. Since when do cats do that?! Abi's other hobbies are not using the litter box and swinging from the shower curtain and/or bedroom curtain by her front claws. *sigh*
I might be moving soon. I found out this week that I'll have to move because they are going to renovate. I'm glad I don't have to put you through another move. Bless your heart, we moved one year before we lost you. I know you were nervous and not happy - you hated car rides. I still have the video of you talking to me while we drove to our new home :-) I'm curious to see how Flax and Abi will deal with it. This is the only home they've ever known. They like car rides though. Flax likes to ride in my lap. I think Abi gets sick like you used to. I remember when we first moved with you. We had hardwood at our old house and carpet in the new one. You fell on your side and started rolling around from one side, to your back, to the other side, and back again. I laughed so hard. I don't think you ever lived in a carpeted house until we moved. I don't want to move because I feel like I'll be leaving you behind. I keep telling myself that I won't be though, because I have our blanket and other things that remind me of you. They say time heals, but that's not entirely true. It just makes it easier to remember the one you love. As time goes on, I can remember you and not cry so quickly. The day will come when I remember you and smile without crying at all. I know you want that day to be here now. You didn't like to see me cry. You always knew and you were always there with cuddles. I think Abi and Flax know that I'm sad today. They haven't left my side. Abi tried to give me nose kisses.
The coolest thing happened today. I was on my way to work and I passed the police station. All of the flags were lowered to half mast, but I can't find any reason for them to be. So my conclusion is that they are lowered in your memory, my sweet girl. All for you! And you definitely deserve it because you were the best kitty ever! I know you're still watching over me and one day we will be together again. Time will fly and that day will be here soon. Until then, I'm going to live for you, Sugar cat. I'll cuddle Flax and Abi as much as I can and give them all the kisses I can. I did my best to take care of you, including knowing when it was time to say goodbye. Now I'm taking care of Flax and Abi. You were such a spoiled little girl and the best way to honor you, I felt, was to adopt another little girl. That's why I got Abi. She needed a home and you gave her one. Words can't express how much I miss my favorite cuddle buddy, but I'm living one day at a time, just doing my thing and staying busy.
I love you my sweet Sugar cat.