Sweet Tobzilla,

What on earth can I say?

My sweet butter bean. My darling baby prince. I love you with all my heart. I feel a gape in my soul, it hurts so much I can't wrap my mind around it. It's like a dark cloud stretching for miles in every direction.

Do the circumstances make it worse?

Probably.

But the widest gap between me and anything positive was created when you drifted off to sleep.

I know you're here with me. I know you've only left that fluffy little body, but that purr. Tob! Tob! Your purr! Your tail. The way you draped your body across the threshold, the sounds you made, your snore. Your snore, Tob. How do I go on without that? How do I love anyone ever again when you were all I have ever really loved?

Oh my baby, my kitten, my prince. Fourteen years was not enough. Fourteen more wouldn't have been enough either, but I thought I would have a few more, at least.

My heart is broken. I am not entirely sure I can do this without you by my side. I'm not quite sure I can ever get over this. I'm not quite sure, baby boy. I was only ever sure of you. You and your purr and the way you rubbed your face on me.

It hurts and I can't breathe and I feel like I'm dying. Tob, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, so eternally sorry. I will always be sorry. I will always have a hole in my heart and you own it. You are it. I love you. I love you so much. I love you so much. I love you forever. I love you the whole width of the inifinite universe. I love you until the end of time. I love you and I will find you one day and we will be together again.

Love,

Your devastated momma