Dear Clark,

People may think that it is odd that I am writing a letter to a grasshopper that I owned. I just thought that I should, since you were surprisingly a large part of my life. For example, I still remember the first time that you hopped onto my screen door. My friend almost squished you, but I thought that you were so bright. (Even though you were really stupid.) We had so many scary times, and then so many that seemed so silly I lost you in the garage once, and I thought that you went into the lawnmower. I also remember when you had to go get caught because you got loose, and the people next door thought that you were going to bite their children, and give them a disease...STDS. (Or that they would eat you.)

Well, when you DID die, I'm really sorry that it was my fault. I had you for 12 years! Grasshoppers don't live that long! Maybe my mother switched you out...because I think that's unnatural.

But yes, good-bye Clark, and sorry for making your guts stick to the bottom of my shoe.

Peace,

Regina George