Dear Ben,

It's been two years since we have lost you. Although you occasionally visit us and let us know you are still around I find it tough to accept you are no longer physically here to share your life with us. Just when I think I am coping it hits me like I've had the wind knocked out of me. I just want you to know I feel like I could have done more for you, but realistically I know that it was one hurt your Mummy couldn't fix. I am glad you waited for me on your final night, I wouldn't have forgiven myself otherwise. It was the hardest thing I have ever done to say to you that we would miss you and that if you felt you needed to go to just go. I wanted to be selfish and keep you forever. I was never disappointed in you, just angry with myself that I couldn't make the cancer go away. You are my little boy, and will always be my buddy to nap with and go in the car with. I hope you will stay with me in spirit at this time, I still need you. I've been told you have important work to do elsewhere and I am jealous and don't accept it but I will try to understand. You will continue to be a part of my life and I hope you will be watching and waiting for us to someday reunite. You made both Daddy and me happy and we shared a lot of love, comfort and laughs with you - sometimes at your expense. We still talk about you and the adventures we had: camping, your attempts at swimming, your favorite foods, your plushy fur, the naps we took, moodiness, how you hated the dark, and how we loved you and you loved us. It will never be the same without you.

Love,

Nancy (Mummy)