It's two weeks today since our last full day together. I wake up every morning thinking about you and hoping, hoping to see you when I walk out into the living room.
We had a glorious last day together, didn't we? I was thrilled to see you standing at the window, ready to take a walk in the sunshine and cool morning air. It was a typical walk, except for its length. You surprised me by walking all the way to the front of the property and all the way around, sniffing everything along the way and looking up at me from time to time.
I love that look when we're walking. You're checking on me, making sure I'm OK if I'm too quiet. The love in your eyes always prompts me to bend down and kiss your head.
You're in heaven, I know that, and you're happy and safe and warm and well fed and you have friends - no doubt you've made a lot of friends - and loved. Do you know how much I love you? I worry about that a lot. One can make a lot of stupid mistakes in 13 years and I made a lot with you. I left you behind on a couple of vacations and overnight trips and sometimes I didn't get home very early. I'm so sorry for every time I ever hurt your feelings - I didn't mean it. Please know, Mina baby, that I love you more than anyone ever and I tried to show it every day. You are my one true love and you will always be ...
I went to the sanctuary yesterday for the first time in a month and I cried as soon as I turned up the long drive. I remembered talking to you on the warm August day and telling you about all the wonderful animals you'd see and the nice people you'd meet. It makes me smile to think of you walking away from the tame geese who were so curious about you, and how you barked at the cows as they all walked up to the fence to get a look at you. I didn't stay for the entire event because I was missing you and wanted to come home to you.
Whenever I'm away I still have this urge to get home to you. Wherever I am this feeling that I have to get home is always there. You were always, always my first priority, even when I screwed up.
Thank you, thank you my dearest love, for taking such good care of me for your entire life. You licked away my tears, you acted the fool to get me to cheer up, you laid by my side whenever I was sick, and you never once let me down in any way. Not even when you ate something off the ground that made you sick!
I miss you, Mina Bean. I miss you more than I ever thought possible. I know that time will pass and I'll go on with this life in some fashion. And I know that some day I'll die, too, and we'll be together forever. Don't worry about me, sweetie, I'll figure this out.
You are in my heart and you will always be in my heart, baby girl.
All my love ...