Has it been only 5 days since I had to make that awful, impossible choice? How can it be that you were okay on Saturday, then paralyzed on Sunday? I have so many regrets. I should have taken you to the place in Cooper City. The other vet was WRONG! I have so much anger because if she had given us the right information, we could have saved you in time.That night, when the second vet talked to us, I knew. I knew in my heart that you would not recover. I knew you would have HATED being in the cart, unable to run and play fetch and chase the cat. The pain that night and every day since is searing. I feel as though someone reached into my chest and ripped off a chunk of my heart. I know you knew how much I loved you, Baby Boy. I couldn't tell you enough that night, that short while I had to spend with you for the last time. I look for you everywhere in the house. This house is filled with you. I think I hear breathing in the morning, in the corner now empty by the TV. I look for you on the bathroom rug as I get ready for work. I feel your warm little body lying next to me on the sofa at night.
I dread walking in after work and not seeing your long little body dancing in circles for joy at seeing me. I miss holding you and kissing your snout and soft little head. I long to run my fingers through the silky hair of your ears.
I want you to know that I forgive you for everytime I walked into the kitchen and it had "snowed" because you had pulled all the stuffing out of your bed or toys. For everytime you had a party with the bathroom garbage or tore up whatever was in the Walmart bag from the store. I have not been able to eat peanut butter because you loved it so much. I think for the rest of my life, I will think of you each time I eat it.
Frankie, how I MISS you. You filled my arms and heart with so much snuggly affection. I have the girls and Mark, but your love was a different kind. I knew that no matter what, you loved me. I could do no wrong in your eyes, and you never got frustrated or mad at me. When I think about how you loved, I believe that it is a reflection of the way God loves us. No matter what we do, He loves us and forgives us. I have to believe that one day in Heaven, you will be on my lap again. Right beside me every step I take. We will go for our walk as the sun is setting and enjoy God's creation together. The Bible says that there will be no tears, only joy in Heaven. That tells me that you will be there.
Thank you for the 4 years of joy and love you gave me. It was not nearly long enough. You were so young, so alive. I will always picture you that way. You will always be my baby boy. Of all the dogs I've had, I had the greatest bond with you, my beautiful Dachshund.