This letter from Mom to My Best Friend, was written on Thursday, March 2, 2017

To My Best Friend,,

Saturday was a tragic day. It happened so suddenly. You were in so much pain. We drove so fast. You were such a brave boy. I was so frantic. You were so calm. Your life rested in my hands. I had to be your voice. I am so utterly sorry.

I wanted to tell you how much I love you… How much I appreciate all you did for me. Everything I asked of you… You made me so proud. How the last five years were some of the best in my life, we made the most fantastic memories together. How you will always be my favorite.

I wanted to thank you for being my shot gun rider, my daily hiking buddy no matter the weather, my partner in grime. Thank you for being so patient, for being so kind, for being a wonderful brother to the critters you left behind. Thank you for loving all of the clients and staff you met and the friendships you created at the Avalon and Bethsaida, they truly looked forward to your arrival every weekend. Thank you for standing by me through thick and thin, for being my rock, for being so loyal. Thank you for putting up with my antics, when dying/dressing you up for Halloween, the Doggles, the nail polish, the various coats and sweaters, the boots, the backpack, the cake smash’s. Thank you for camping with me, for spending hours in a tent in the rain, for not judging me when I couldn’t keep the fire lit, for being my tanning buddy, for listening to me read to you. Thank you for coming into my life, I am so utterly grateful we found each other. Thank you for being such a goofball, for making me laugh, for the way you sat on the couch or a lap, for how you could clear a room with your gas bombs. Thank you for squishing into the back seat of our two door car for your entire time with me. Thank you for accepting all of the animals I ever invited into our house, from critter sitting to rescues off the side of the road to friends to family to Hope, you were there for them all. Thank you for antiquing with me, for the yard sales, for hitting the beaches, for spending hours in the car when on road trips to places like Vermont, Ottawa and Quebec. Thank you for carrying my weight when I felt like I couldn’t. Thank you for motivating me, for always being there. Thank you for coming to photo shoots and letting me pose you over and over again. Thank you for greeting me every day when I arrived home, you were such a forgiving soul. Thank you for all the late nights waiting for me to come home from college for those two years, for waiting for me during my Home Depot shifts. Thank you for being my snuggle buddy, for always being by my side. Thank you for all you have given me and all you have taken with you, you are unforgettable. If I could do it with you… We did it together.

I want you to know that I will take such good care of Lamby for you.

I want you to know how quiet it is in this house now… and how much I hate it. How I can’t bear to wash your drool off our walls, how I want nothing to do with our car. How I am afraid to empty the vacuum canister. How putting your possessions away are killing me. How the cats miss you like crazy. How it keeps snowing and your tracks are being covered up. How I worry so much about you… Not knowing where you are, if you’re warm enough, if you’ve been fed and cared for. How five years was just not enough. How we weren’t nearly done making memories. How I am having an enormously hard time understanding what happened. How I am truly not ready for such considerable loss, how I don’t think I would ever be. How devastated I feel. How broken my heart is.

I’m learning to smile through the days, but you know it’s only pretend. I guess this is goodbye for now. I promise I’ll see you again.

I will never forget you.

Rest in peace buddy.