Dear Max,

Your 1 year anniversary of crossing over the rainbow bridge will be coming up in a couple of months and the hole in my soul that was created when you died is still there. I miss you so much. You came to me as if you were a Christmas present sent to me from Bogart. We even found you under the hood of Dad's car covered in oil and grime just like I found Bogart all those years ago. I still remember that dirty orange and white kitten that I scooped up and carried inside straight to the kitchen sink for a bath.

You were my Buddy. You greeted me with a "hello" every morning and you would curl up on the couch with me in the evening. I miss hearing you sing as you hunted toy mice through the house. I miss waking up in the morning and finding the pile of toy mice that you left for me in front of my bedroom door.

Fifteen years just was not enough time. I was looking forward to having your company for at least the next five years.

You and I fought so hard to get you well. You were so patient with every feeding and every dosing of medication. But in the end, neither of us were strong enough for your cancer. I am so sorry, Max. I am so sorry I failed.

Even though Salem, Bounder and Patches (as well as Willow) are still here and Bounder has started singing and hunting toy mice in the evening. It is not the same.

When we took you to the Vet's to put you to sleep one last time, I tried so hard to make it easy for you. I asked for an IV shunt and for them to give you a tranqulizer. I gave you a big dose of your pain meds before we left. I hope you went without fear or pain. I hope in the end, I did right by you.

Our house seems so empty with just 3 cats and a dog. I keep waiting for a kitten to show up on my doorstep to make our family complete. If it shows up all dirty and grimey, I'll know you sent him.

Love,

Mom