It's been one week since I got to look into your beautiful brown eyes and tell you I love you. Home and my heart are so empty without you. I am trying hard to be strong, but I realize much of my strength came from loving and caring for you. Everything reminds me of you. When I was at home you were always with me. Whether you were snuggled, patiently waiting, walking with me or just hanging out, you were always by my side. Mama's best friend in the whole world. We did so much and when I was not home, I could not wait to get back home to you. Now it just feels like there are so many "no mores".
No more snuggles, no more Star Light Star Bright, no more conversations that would make most people scratch their head or laugh, no more sitting on the back deck in the late afternoon sun, no more hugs and kisses, no more howling when you are super excited, no more alerting me that it's dinner time (a half hour early), no more introducing you and saying "be careful he will wash your face with kisses", no more big spoon-little spoon, no more hours working on the computer with you nestled in the chair with me (even when you would rather do anything else), no more sitting on mama's lap facing me with your hands on my shoulders while we play "wanna go to Boston", no more talking about you incessantly on vacation to strangers who think I'm crazy until I show your picture and then they just understand, no more looking into your eyes and feeling so lucky to be your mama.
I've been looking through thousands of pictures these last few days, I'm trying to update your website for the final time. How it hurts to write that. But when I was looking through the pictures, I realized you went on so many adventures: play dates, vacations, family visits, walks, hikes, and events. And you had birthday parties, holiday gifts, and professional photo shoots. You didn't have a dog's life, you had a childhood! And you were so loved! Mostly by me (no one could possibly love you more), but by your family, friends, neighbors, doctors, my coworkers, and of course your little brother Kody.
Kody is lost without you but don't worry I am giving him extra love and attention. He keeps waiting for me to bring you home. I don't have the heart yet to tell him you are watching over him from the stars above. He's still full of energy, but occasionally he senses that I am so sad and he will give me a few minutes of snuggles and affection. I know you are sending him secret messages to do so. Thank you.
I've been talking to you every night when I see your star. I hope you can hear me. Even when it's cloudy I've been looking for you. I am so grateful for all that you gave me. The joy, the love and the friendship that we shared was the greatest of each. I am blessed to have had you in my life. Many never get to have a love like ours fill their heart. That's why losing you hurts so very much. The pain is equal to the love, and the love is infinite. I will never stop loving you, missing you or speaking to you. You were the center of my little world and you will always own the biggest piece of my heart.
Thank you for being my little boy, my best friend, my puppy, my everything. You are my Star Light Star Bright, you are the first star I see every night. Mama loves you more than anything in this world.