This letter from Janet to Ralphie was written on Wednesday, March 6, 2013Ralphie

Dear Ralphie,

I miss and love you each day and feel so guilty that I did not know you were sick and did not know that I did not have much time left with you. I would have done so much more for and with you. I had just had Blake, my first born, and it was overwhelming and all consuming and as a result I fear I neglected you near the end due to the Baby. Kyle says I didn't since he was here to walk you but I feel I did because since I was taking care of my infant and neborn son, I was unable to walk you so I missed out on spending more time with you near the end and did not really know we were even nearing your end.:( For that I am so sorry.:( I love and miss you so much it hurts. The thought of never seeing you again, never holding you again, never looking for you to follow me to each room, throughout the house, etc. is just devastating for me. I'd hoped you and Blakey could have had some good years together instead I feel like I was robbed of you too soon. I try to hold on to the good memories but it's so hard because all I focus on is my pain and hurt at losing you. I had you 14 years, you lived a nice long happy life with me but I want more. I wish you could have lived with me all of my life but unfortunately life does not work that way.:'-( I pray you were happy with me and I pray you knew how much I loved you. I pray you really are in Doggie Heaven looking down upon me with a smile that God willing we will reunite again one day. I love and miss you always Ralphie, there will only ever be one you. It's the end of an era, the closing of a chapter, with you passing away. Now I have a 4 month old Baby Boy and a Husband of nearly two years. You were with me throughout my turbulent single years. I'd gotten you when I was 25, shortly after returning from Panama (the Country) and now I am 39. You didn't make it to be 15 (you died at 14 years and 6 months) or make it to see me turn 40 or to see Blake turn 1 but you were always there for me when no one else was. You saw many people walk in and out of my life from Boyfriends to female friends and associates but you were always that one constant that loved me uncondiionally no matter what and never left my side. I cry as I write this because I miss you so much. What I wouldn't give to look down, on the floor, and see you curled up at the bottom of the bed, near my feet, as you always did. I love and miss you Ralphie Hayes (Gooden) and I always will. Muuuuuah, Mommy will always love you. You were my First Baby and prepared me for Motherhood. Now I have a real Baby and I learned to be responsible for another living being, through you.:) It was just you and I for nearly 15 years.:) You will always be in my heart, mind and prayers. I got your remains cremated and put in a nice Urn with little paws going around the top side so you also will always be with me physically.:) Even when I pass, I want you buried with me.:) I will request, in my will, that your Urn be placed in my casket with me.:( I will always love and miss you Ralphie.:)

Love Always,

Your Second Mommy (second only to your Birth Mommy)

Missing You,