I have refused to think about your death and life for so long because it broke me down that winter night... it broke my heart, I was so lost. I am so, so sorry. I wasn't there for you when you needed me most, I am so sorry. You have no idea how much I hate my cowardliness for not being there while you died. I was so afraid of my emotions, of how I might react, I had never allowed myself to feel that deeply before. You gave me freedom my beautiful girl. The stable didn't like us very much but that was okay... for the first time to me that was okay if someone didn't like me, because I had you. You were the most spirited mare in the whole place, no one could run faster and no one had as much zest for life. To this day I wish I spent more time with you than I did, I let life and all it's complications take me away from you. Please please forgive me for leaving you. I had to go away for a while, I loved you very much... I just couldn't stay. I wasted two years away from you and I was too ashamed to see you because I felt like I had abandoned you. I love you so much and I wish you were still here today so that I could tell you that. You were the most amazing companion I could have ever asked for. I only wish that I could have been that for you. As I touched your still warm body they said you had passed just a few moments before I got there. It was like you were still alive, your body was still warm, I wanted the whole world to disappear because I had lost my shelter and my friend. You were an extension of my soul, that is how I saw you and now I hope you are in peace, I hope you are up there with Jesus and he is stroking your nose and you have fields to run through. You deserve the world my queen. One day I hope you can forgive me for abandoning you. I can only promise you this... I swear that from this day forward I will make it a duty and calling to care with as much of my time and energy as I can for all animals I am blessed to encounter. I am about to adopt a horse named Cheif, I struggled with how you might feel about it but I believe that you would have been okay with it. You would have liked him. He will teach me much and I know that... but he will never take your place. You will always be my little Arabian free spirit, my queen, my teacher my friend. I love you, I love you so much. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.
Forever always in my heart. Forever always a part of my soul.