Dear Matty Starr,

I can't count the number of times I stared at you...at acapella shows, rehearsals, in the hospital when you had wires and tubes and pipes coming from everywhere on your body...and wished I was better friends with you. I always had the opportunity. It was always staring right back at me, at my face, wondering why I didn't reach out to you or the rest of our friends more often. We're part of a family where that kind of stuff doesn't really matter, but I can't believe you died before I could try and be a bigger part of your life. I will forever wonder if you noticed me and how much I loved you, despite not knowing you as well as others. We had a great bond and lots of experiences that I will never forget, but you were always giving more of yourself and I should have scooped it up with both hands, both arms, as much as I could take before it was too much. I cry and cry and think to myself "Is this okay? Can I empty myself for someone I'm not sure knew how fond I was of him?" I don't know how I can feel that my tears aren't worthy, it's an awkward feeling. But I love you and miss you so much and if you could see Hannah today, you'd be proud.

Love,

B