Originally Written: 03 January 2009
You sleep so deeply... you sleep so often... gentle flowing breath... inhale... exhale... inhale... slow deep breath.
i think you run/dance in your night-time(s) or are you frolicking in the moon light?
i wonder what you dream? what you see as your eyes are blinking in your darkness?
little squeaks, i hope they are happy ones...
are you dancing in the warm waters and sands of your birthplace?
you do love the water... to swim... to splash... to stick your nose deep into the glassy wetness... and blow bubbles...
when i get nervous that your sleepy-time squeaks might not be squeals of joy, i wake you up... and in your hazy 'not-yet awake~ness' you look at me as i tell you i'm here... i tell you i luv you... so, YOU know... i know YOU know... (i know you know, because without failure you give me a gentle kiss EVERY TIME before drifting back to dreamland).
i know that i've been BLESSED with you in my life... my furry companion... you came to me at a time when i really needed unconditional companionship... unconditional luvin'... my mom had just passed on... you came to me and you were just present... you just WERE... you were MY love... these amazing, almost 13 years...
now they tell me your little heart is weak... i ask how could a little heart, so strong, be so weak... it scares me... i feel helpLESS... almost SELF-fish... i don't want you to leave... i do NOT want to consider that possibility... that inevitable reality... life is so fragile... such an unknown... i don't want you to leave me... i'm not ready... i get that, it's not up to me... i get that, it's not ABOUT me... but i don't want you to leave ME.. not yet...
so now i will love you even more (if that is possible)... love you like it was my last breath with you... your last breath with me... i'll go right up to your ear, i'll whisper that i luv you (so you hear me... feel my breath... through your old dog deafness)... so, YOU know... i know YOU know.
you sleep so deeply... i love you so deeply... you're 'just' a dog?...NOT!... you're MY dog... my four legged SOUL-MATE.
yes, when it's your time i'll let you go... so you can dance on the sands of your birthplace... so you can frolic in the (warm) waters of the place(s) we called home ... so you can curl up in front of YOUR fireplace(s)... so you can sit by my moms' feet at the eternal Sunday tea party.
STAY with me just a bit longer sweet girl... i'm not ready for you to leave... not yet.
you showed me the true meaning of LOVE... you taught me the ultimate freedom in SURRENDER!!... you shared with me the magic of deep beautiful PEACE, blissful inner CALM and bless~ed glorious COMPASSION!
nubes (the Nubian QUEEN: June 15, 1996 - June 30, 2010)
on your last day WE knew... YOU knew... I knew... we (with your bratty baby brother, cHoncHo) had a wonderful day of quiet-activity, after which we went home. we lay in bed curled up as a family, then you were gone... 14 + years of PURE LOVE!
August 2010: six weeks after my little girl took her final journey i saw this note again, for the first time... she did what she promised... she stayed a little longer... i did what i promised... i let her go... good bye sweet, sweet angel girl.. i miss you and love you so much... till our paths cross again... know that you were the BEST EVER!!!
May 1, 2011: I GET IT!!! LOVE! SURRENDER! COMPASSION! PEACE! I just realized that i am NOT SAD that you are gone... NO, rather your LIGHT(ness) exists withIN me! YOU were (a part of) ME! Memories of YOU and the LOVE, support, dedication, loyalty, integrity, pride, honour, truth, joy, playfulness, fun and BEING that YOU were... THAT spirit IS ME! Any 'grief' is out weighed by the BLESSING of having YOU share YOUR journey with ME... GIFTING me with so much... your journey of ease, grace, dignity, warrior spirit... for this i shall be forever grateful and thankful! It was an honour... indeed it was MY pleasure!
PS. cHoncHo's a big, happy, healthy, confident pup b/c of your consistent positive, loving and strong influence. He misses his big sis!